Emotion Coaching: Five Effective Steps for Adults
Table of Contents
Intro
What is Emotion Coaching for Adults?
Why Adults Struggle with Emotion Regulation
Mini Self-Check: Do You Struggle with Emotion Regulation?
5 Emotional Coaching Tips for Adults
Name and validate the emotion
Reframe the inner dialogue
Practice emotion pausing
Set Healthy Emotion Boundaries
Engage in reflective emotion journaling
Common Challenges Adults Face When Starting Emotion Coaching
When to Seek Help from an Emotional Coach
FAQ
Emotion Coaching: Five Effective Steps for Adults
We often hear about teaching kids how to manage emotions, but what about grown-ups? The truth is, emotion coaching for adults is just as important—maybe even more. As adults, we juggle relationships, work stress, past wounds, and inner critics, all while being expected to “hold it together.” That’s a heavy load for anyone.
The problem is, most of us were never taught how to process emotions—we were taught to hide them. We learned to “be strong,” “get over it,” or “stay busy.” But bottling things up doesn’t make them go away. In fact, it often makes things worse.
If you’ve ever felt emotionally stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to handle strong feelings in a healthy way, you’re not alone. The good news? These emotional skills can be learned—and they can change your life.
In this blogpost, we’ll break down five effective tips that make emotion coaching for adults simple, practical, and truly transformative.
What is Emotion Coaching for Adults?
Emotion coaching for adults is the process of helping yourself or others recognize, understand, and respond to emotions in a healthy and productive way. It’s about learning to pause, name what you’re feeling, and choose how to respond, rather than reacting out of habit or shutting down completely.
While emotion coaching is often associated with parenting, the same principles apply to adult life. It helps you build emotional awareness, regulate intense feelings, and communicate more clearly—even when you're dealing with conflict, anxiety, or stress.
Think of it as learning a new language—the language of your emotions. When you become fluent in this language, you stop being controlled by your feelings and start using them as tools for growth, connection, and healing. Whether you're navigating a tough relationship, dealing with burnout, or just trying to be more in tune with yourself, emotional coaching gives you a clear path forward.
Want personal guidance? You can start by reading Sonia’s book or booking a session with her to learn how to coach your own emotions with confidence.
Why Adults Struggle with Emotion Regulation
Many adults find it hard to manage their emotions. And it’s not because something is wrong with them—it’s because no one ever taught us how.
For most people, the struggle starts in childhood. Maybe your emotions were ignored, or you were told to "stop crying" or "be strong" when you felt upset. Over time, you learned to hide how you feel instead of dealing with it. Those unprocessed childhood emotions don’t just disappear. They stay in your body and show up later as anger, anxiety, shutdowns, or overreactions.
Society also plays a role. In many cultures, people are expected to be "tough" or "in control" at all times. But being emotionally strong doesn’t mean hiding your feelings. It means understanding them and knowing what to do with them.
Another reason adults struggle is the lack of emotional vocabulary. You might feel “off” or “stressed” but not know exactly what you’re feeling or why. Without the right words, it’s hard to work through the emotion or express it in a healthy way.
Mini Self-Check: Do You Struggle with Emotion Regulation?
Ask yourself:
Do you often bottle up your feelings?
Do you overreact to small things?
Do you avoid hard conversations or conflict?
Do you feel overwhelmed but can’t explain why?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, emotional coaching for adults might really help you.
5 Emotion Coaching Tips for Adults
Most of us were never taught how to handle our emotions — we just pushed through. But those feelings don’t go away. They show up in our reactions, relationships, and even how we speak to ourselves.
Emotion coaching for adults helps you notice what you feel, understand it, and respond better. Here are the top five emotion coaching tips for adults:
Name and validate the emotion
When you can name what you feel, it’s easier to deal with it.
Science shows that labeling emotions helps calm the brain. For example, saying “I feel overwhelmed” instead of “I’m just tired” helps your body know what’s really going on.
Try this:
Instead of saying “I’m angry,” go deeper:
I feel frustrated
I feel hurt
I feel disrespected
Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend:
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“That was a lot—I’m proud of how I handled it.”
Reframe the inner dialogue
The way you speak to yourself matters. Negative thoughts make emotions feel heavier.
But when you change the story in your head, your emotions shift too.
Example:
Instead of: “I always mess things up.”
Try: “I made a mistake, but I’m learning.”
You’re not lying to yourself. You’re choosing a better perspective—one that helps you grow instead of staying stuck.
Practice emotion pausing
You don’t have to respond right away.
Taking a short pause gives your brain time to reset. This is called the power pause.
Quick tools:
Take 3 deep breaths
Excuse yourself for a moment to cool off
Use this pause when you're feeling triggered—in arguments, tense meetings, or tough conversations.
Set Healthy Emotion Boundaries
Boundaries protect your peace. They’re not about pushing people away—they help you stay grounded.
Signs your boundaries may be off:
You feel drained after certain conversations
You say yes when you mean no
You keep trying to fix others’ emotions
Script you can use:
“I’d love to support you, but I need a moment to reset first.”
Or
“I’m not in the right space to talk right now. Can we check in later?”
You can care for others without forgetting yourself.
Engage in reflective emotion journaling
Journaling isn’t just for venting—it’s a powerful way to coach yourself.
Try this simple daily check-in:
What emotion did I feel most today?
What triggered it?
How did I react?
This helps you spot patterns and gives you space to process your thoughts clearly.
You can use journaling apps or a simple notebook—whatever works for you.
Common Challenges Adults Face When Starting Emotion Coaching
Starting emotional coaching as an adult can feel uncomfortable at first. You might think, “This is too soft,” or “I don’t have time for this.” That’s internal resistance — and it’s normal. Most of us were raised to power through, not pause and feel.
Then there’s the external pushback. Maybe you’re trying to set healthy boundaries, and suddenly a friend says you’re acting distant. Or your family doesn’t get why you need space. It can feel lonely.
That’s why having the right tools and guidance matters. Sonia’s book on emotion coaching gives you easy steps to follow and real-life examples that make this process feel less overwhelming. If you’ve been trying to do this alone and it hasn’t worked, her book is a great place to start. Think of it as your personal cheat sheet for handling emotions with more clarity and confidence.
Tip: Be gentle with yourself. Emotional growth isn’t about doing it perfectly — it’s about showing up again and again, even when it feels tough.
When to Seek Help from an Emotion Coach
Some signs you might need extra support include:
Feeling constantly overwhelmed or burnt out
Struggling to maintain healthy relationships
Not knowing how to talk about what you feel
If you’re looking for someone to walk alongside you in this journey, Sonia offers emotion coaching sessions rooted in compassion, psychology, and real-life experience. She’s worked with adults who used to shut down in tough conversations and now, they show up with calm and clarity.
Whether you start with a session or pick up her book, the support is there. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
FAQ
How long does it take to see results?
Often, the shift is immediate. People respond positively when they feel truly heard. But like anything, it gets easier (and more natural) the more you practice.
Is this something I can teach others too?
Yes. Once you get comfortable, you can model these techniques in your home, workplace, or even your community. Some people go on to get certified and coach others professionally.
What if I’ve never done anything like this before—is it hard to start?
Not at all. Sonia’s techniques are simple and start with self-awareness and reflection. As such, you have nothing to worry about.
How do I know if emotional coaching is working?
You’ll notice changes in how you respond to challenges, how you communicate, and how you feel overall. Progress may be subtle at first—but it builds over time.
Are there specific books or tools to support emotional coaching for adults?
Yes, there are helpful books and tools to support emotion coaching for adults. Sonia’s book breaks it down in a simple way, and her training program gives you the skills to use it in real life or even help others too.
Emotion Coaching in Schools: How Teachers Can Support Students’ Mental Health
Table of Contents
Intro
Why Emotion Coaching Matters in Schools
The Five Steps of Emotion Coaching for Teachers
Be aware of the student’s emotions
Recognize emotions as an opportunity for connection and teaching
Listen empathetically and validate the student’s feelings
Help the student label their emotions
Set limits while helping the student problem-solve
Practical Strategies for Teachers to Implement Emotion Coaching
Benefits of Emotion Coaching in Schools
Stronger student-teacher relationships
Improved classroom behavior and fewer disruptions
Better academic performance
Higher emotional intelligence and life skills
The Role of School Leadership and Parents
School leaders set the tone
Parents as partners
Creating a team effort
Conclusion
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
5 Ways Teachers Can Help Student With Emotion Coaching
More and more students today are struggling with their mental health. Some feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, or stressed—both inside and outside the classroom. As these challenges grow, schools are becoming one of the most important places for emotional support.
This is why emotional coaching in schools is becoming a powerful tool. While teachers are not therapists, they spend a lot of time with students and can play a big role in helping them manage their emotions. Emotional coaching in schools gives teachers the tools to help students feel heard, understood, and supported.
This article will explore what emotion coaching in schools really means, why it’s important, and how teachers can use it to support students’ emotional well-being.
Why Emotion Coaching Matters in Schools
Students face a lot of emotional challenges every day. They might feel worried about grades, struggle with friendships, or deal with tough situations at home. If no one helps them handle these emotions, it can affect how they behave, learn, and connect with others.
Originally popularized by Dr. John Gottman in the context of parenting, emotion coaching is a proven approach that helps children recognize, understand, and regulate their emotions. That’s why emotional coaching in schools is so important. It gives teachers a way to support students emotionally, not just academically. When students feel safe and understood, they’re more likely to stay focused in class, be kind to others, and succeed in school.
Emotion coaching in schools also helps build strong student-teacher relationships. When a teacher listens, shows empathy, and teaches emotional skills, students feel more connected and confident.
The Five Steps of Emotion Coaching for Teachers
Research shows that emotional well-being is directly tied to academic performance, behavior, and social development. Just like parents, teachers can play a powerful role in helping children build emotional intelligence through something called emotional coaching.
Dr. John Gottman introduced a five-step process that teachers can adapt to their classrooms. When followed consistently, these steps help students feel seen, supported, and guided through their emotions in a healthy and respectful manner.
Be aware of the student’s emotions
Teachers must learn to notice emotional cues—whether it’s a frown, silence, irritability, or sudden outbursts. Emotional coaching in schools begins with tuning into these small signs, even when students don't speak up. Awareness allows teachers to step in early and prevent escalation.
Recognize emotions as an opportunity for connection and teaching
Instead of brushing emotions aside or punishing students for "bad behavior," emotional coaching encourages teachers to see emotional moments as teachable ones. If a child is upset, it’s not a distraction—it’s a chance to build trust and show that emotions are valid and manageable.
Listen empathetically and validate the student’s feelings
Validation means letting the student know their feelings matter, even if their actions need correction. For example, saying, “I can see you’re really upset about what happened at recess. That makes sense,” helps students feel understood. In emotional coaching in schools, this step builds emotional safety.
Help the student label their emotions
Children often struggle to name what they’re feeling. Teachers can gently offer words: “You seem frustrated” or “Are you feeling left out?” This helps students develop emotional vocabulary, which is a critical part of emotional intelligence.
Set limits while helping the student problem-solve
Empathy doesn’t mean anything goes. Teachers can set clear boundaries while helping students think through better ways to handle the situation next time. For instance, “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to throw things. What else could you do when you feel that way?”
Practical Strategies for Teachers to Implement Emotion Coaching
Many teachers love the idea of emotional coaching in schools but worry it will be too time-consuming or hard to fit into a packed school day. The good news? It doesn’t require a major change—it just takes consistency and intentionality.
Start the day with emotional check-ins
A simple five-minute check-in allows students to express how they’re feeling. Teachers can use mood meters, emoji cards, or simple questions like “What color is your day?” This regular habit helps students become more self-aware and signals that their feelings matter.
Create a ‘calm corner’ or emotional regulation station
Designate a space in the classroom where students can go when they feel overwhelmed. Fill it with tools like stress balls, coloring sheets, or breathing exercises. This supports emotion coaching in schools by giving students a safe, self-guided way to calm down.
Model emotional intelligence
Students learn more from what teachers do than what they say. When teachers handle stress calmly, admit when they’re feeling frustrated, and show how they cope, students learn by example. Emotion coaching in schools works best when adults practice what they teach.
Use stories and classroom discussions to talk about emotions
Books, journal prompts, or group activities can be used to explore emotions and discuss how characters handle challenges. This makes emotional learning a natural part of classroom life.
Collaborate with school counselors or mental health staff
Teachers don’t have to do this alone. Partnering with counselors can provide students with deeper support and help teachers strengthen their own emotional coaching skills. Bringing in outside training or workshops can also deepen the school’s approach.
Benefits of Emotion Coaching in Schools
Emotion coaching in schools offers benefits that go far beyond handling emotional outbursts. When students feel emotionally supported, their overall school experience improves—academically, socially, and personally.
Stronger student-teacher relationships
When teachers take time to understand students' feelings, it builds trust. Students are more likely to engage in learning and open up when they feel respected and emotionally safe. Emotion coaching in schools creates a connection that goes beyond the curriculum.
Improved classroom behavior and fewer disruptions
Students who are taught to recognize and manage their emotions are less likely to act out. Instead of bottling up anger or frustration, they learn to express themselves in healthier ways. This creates a calmer, more focused classroom for everyone.
Better academic performance
When students feel emotionally balanced, they can focus better on their studies. Emotional stress is a major barrier to learning, and emotional coaching helps reduce that stress. Students become more resilient, which helps them stick with difficult tasks and bounce back from setbacks.
Higher emotional intelligence and life skills
Perhaps the biggest long-term benefit of emotional coaching in schools is that it prepares students for life. They learn how to handle disappointment, resolve conflicts, and express themselves clearly—skills that are essential both in and out of school.
The Role of School Leadership and Parents
Emotion coaching in schools doesn’t fall only on teachers. For it to truly work, school leaders and parents must play their part too.
School leaders set the tone
When principals and administrators make emotion coaching a priority, it becomes part of the school culture. This means giving teachers time, training, and space to focus on student well-being. Emotional coaching in schools works best when leaders lead with care.
Parents as partners
Parents also need to understand emotion coaching. When they use similar language at home, it helps students stay consistent. Emotional coaching in schools should be talked about during meetings, newsletters, and open houses.
Creating a team effort
Students thrive when they see that teachers, parents, and school leaders are all on the same page. Emotion coaching in schools should feel like a group effort, not just a classroom activity.
A book like Dropped in a Maze can be a bridge between school and home—it shows how emotional struggles play out and gives adults a clearer view of what students might be feeling but unable to say.
Conclusion
Emotionl coaching in schools is a way to build strong, caring school communities. When teachers understand how to support emotions, they help students feel safe, seen, and capable. Also, providing them with the right resources makes this easier.
In conclusion, emotional coaching in schools is an important way for teachers to help support students' mental health.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What if a student doesn’t want to talk about their feelings?
That’s okay. Emotion coaching in schools is not about forcing students to talk. It’s about creating a space where they can talk when they’re ready.
Where can I learn more about emotional coaching?
You can start by reading Dropped in a Maze or book a training session.
What role does emotion coaching play in reducing bullying?
When students learn to recognize and manage their own emotions, they are more likely to be compassionate toward others. Teaching students to identify their feelings and understand how others feel can promote kindness and discourage bullying behavior.
Can emotion coaching in schools help with academic success?
Yes! Students who are emotionally supported and taught to manage their emotions tend to perform better academically.
How do I introduce emotion coaching into my classroom?
Start small. Begin by checking in with students at the start or end of the day to ask how they are feeling.
Can emotion coaching be used in high school classrooms?
Absolutely. Teenagers face unique challenges like peer pressure, stress about the future, and developing self-identity. Emotional coaching in high school classrooms can help them navigate these challenges with healthier coping strategies and better emotional awareness.
How can I measure the success of emotional coaching in my classroom?
While emotional growth may take time, you can measure success through student engagement, fewer behavioral issues, and positive feedback from students.
What is Emotion Coaching? The Gottman Method Explained
Table of Contents
Intro
What Is Emotion Coaching?
Who Are the Gottmans?
What Is the Gottman Method?
The 5 Steps of the Gottman Emotion Coaching Method
Sonia’s Unique Approach
Common Myths About Emotion Coaching
FAQs About Emotion Coaching and the Gottman Method
Takeaway
What is Emotion Coaching? The Gottman Method Explained
It’s no news that big emotions can be tricky, especially for kids. That’s why more parents are turning to emotional coaching Gottman techniques to better understand and respond to their child’s emotional needs. The Gottman Method offers a practical, research-backed approach to turn emotional moments into opportunities for connection, learning, and growth.
In this blog post, we’ll explore what emotion coaching looks like through the lens of the Gottman Method, why it matters, and how parents and caregivers can use it to build emotionally resilient children.
What Is Emotion Coaching?
Emotional coaching is a concept where parents or caregivers help children understand, label, and manage their feelings. This method was developed by Dr. John Gottman, a leading psychologist known for his research on relationships and emotional development. Emotional coaching Gottman style teaches that every emotional moment. Whether a tantrum or a moment of quiet distress is an opportunity for connection and growth.
In practice, emotion coaching Gottman method outline five essential principles of Emotion Coaching: noticing your child’s emotions, viewing emotions as opportunities to connect and teach, helping your child name their feelings, showing empathy and understanding, and setting boundaries while working together to solve problems.
Emotional coaching Gottman style shows that by using this approach, children become more emotionally aware and resilient.
Who Are the Gottmans?
If you’ve looked up anything about parenting or relationships, you’ve probably seen the names Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman. They’re a couple who’ve spent over 40 years studying how people connect and communicate, and their work has helped millions of families.
At first, their research was all about couples. But over time, they saw something bigger — when adults respond to emotions with kindness and curiosity, instead of shutting them down, it builds stronger bonds. That same idea is now used in parenting, schools, and even workplaces. This is what emotional coaching is all about.
The 5 Steps of the Gottman Emotion Coaching Method
The Gottman Method teaches us that big emotions aren't something to avoid—they’re a chance to connect with our kids. Here’s how emotional coaching Gottman works:
Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions
This means tuning in, even when your child isn’t saying anything out loud. Maybe they suddenly go quiet or throw a toy across the room. These little signs can tell you that your child is feeling something big. Try to stay present and notice what’s going on before the meltdown happens.
Step 2: Use emotional moments as chances to connect
When your child is upset, it’s easy to feel frustrated or want to fix it fast. But this is actually a great time to show them you care. Instead of brushing it off, pause and be with them. Let them know you’re there. That moment of connection builds trust.
Step 3: Listen with empathy and let them know their feelings make sense
Sometimes, all your child wants is to be heard. You don’t need to give advice right away. Just listen and say something like, “That must’ve been really hard,” or “I understand why you feel that way.” When kids feel seen and understood, their emotions often start to settle.
Step 4: Help your child name what they’re feeling
Many kids don’t have the words to explain what’s going on inside. You can help by gently guessing and offering words like “angry,” “sad,” “nervous,” or “disappointed.” Naming feelings helps kids understand them better—and once they understand what they’re feeling, they’re more likely to calm down.
Step 5: Set limits while helping them solve the problem
It’s okay for your child to feel upset, but that doesn’t mean every reaction is okay. You can say, “It’s fine to feel angry, but hitting isn’t okay.” Then guide them toward a better choice, like taking deep breaths or talking it out. This teaches them healthy ways to cope the next time emotions run high.
Sonia’s Unique Approach
Sonia uses the emotional coaching Gottman method to help people understand emotions and respond to them in a healthy way. In her work with parents, teachers, and caregivers, she focuses on teaching simple steps that make emotional moments easier to manage.
She starts by helping people notice how emotions show up—both in themselves and in children. Then, she teaches how to stay calm and listen first, instead of reacting too quickly. Sonia believes that when adults understand what a child is feeling, it becomes easier to guide them with care and confidence.
Through her coaching programs, Sonia shares ways to talk about feelings, set clear limits without shouting, and support children during hard moments. Her approach is gentle, realistic, and easy to use—even on busy or stressful days.
If you want to try these methods yourself, you can get started with her book. And for those who want extra support, her coaching program offers step-by-step guidance to help you build stronger, more peaceful relationships—whether at home or in the classroom.
Common Myths About Emotional Coaching
You’ve probably heard a few things about emotional coaching that made you pause. Maybe someone said it’s too soft, or that it spoils kids. Let’s clear that up.
“It’s too soft.”
This one comes up a lot. But emotional coaching isn’t about letting kids run the show. It’s about showing up for them, even when emotions are high. Sonia talks about how it is not giving up your role as a parent—you’re just meeting them where they are and guiding them through it.
“It spoils the child.”
Honestly, validating feelings doesn’t spoil anyone. Kids still need boundaries and structure, but they also need to feel safe expressing what’s going on inside. When they feel understood, they’re more likely to listen and cooperate.
“Kids will manipulate you.”
It's easy to think this when emotions feel dramatic. But most of the time, kids aren’t trying to manipulate. They’re trying to figure things out the only way they know how. When you help them name what they’re feeling, they start learning how to handle those emotions better.
If you want more help figuring this out, Sonia shares real-life stories and guides in her book.
FAQs About Emotion Coaching and the Gottman Method
Do I have to follow all 5 steps perfectly for this to work?
Not at all. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. Some days will go better than others, and that’s completely okay. What matters most is being present and trying to understand your child’s emotions.
What age is emotion coaching for?
Emotional coaching works at any age. You can use it with toddlers, teens, and even in adult relationships.
Where can I learn more or get support?
Sonia’s book and coaching program are great next steps if you want real life examples, and support. She breaks it all down in a way that’s easy to follow and super practical for everyday parenting.
Takeaway on Emotion Coaching
The Gottman Coaching Method isn’t about fixing your child. It’s about building a relationship that grows stronger with every emotional moment you navigate together.
And the best part? You don’t have to figure it out alone. So relax, you’re not a “bad parent” for not knowing all this before. You’re a better parent now for wanting to learn. We hope this helped you to be better at emotion coaching.