5 Emotion Coaching Mistakes Parents Make
Table of content
Intro
Jumping to Solve Instead of Listening
Dismissing Small Feelings
Over-Explaining Instead of Empathizing
Avoiding Their Own Emotions in Front of Kids
Expecting Perfection
How to Tell if You’re Falling Into These Mistakes
What to Do Next
FAQS
5 Emotion Coaching Mistakes Parents Make
Parenting is one of the toughest and most rewarding jobs in the world. Even the most thoughtful, loving parents can find themselves struggling when it comes to handling their child’s big emotions. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I doing this right?” you’re not alone.
That’s where emotion coaching comes in. Emotion coaching is a way of parenting that helps children understand, express, and manage their feelings in a healthy way. It’s not about ignoring emotions or trying to “fix” them quickly—it’s about teaching kids that their feelings are okay and guiding them through tough moments with empathy and support.
But here’s the thing: even with the best intentions, it’s easy to fall into certain traps. Sometimes, without realizing it, we say or do things that shut down emotions instead of helping our kids work through them. And that’s okay—because emotion coaching is a skill we can all learn and improve.
In this blogpost, we’ll explore five common mistakes that even smart, caring parents make when trying to emotionally coach their kids. More importantly, I’ll show you simple ways to turn these habits around so you can build deeper connections and trust.
Mistake: Jumping to Solve Instead of Listening
Let’s start with one of the most common habits: jumping straight into problem-solving. Imagine your child comes home from school and says, “Nobody likes me.” It’s painful to hear, right? Naturally, you want to make them feel better right away, so you respond with something like, “That’s not true. You have lots of friends.”
But here’s the problem. Even though you’re trying to comfort them, your child might feel like you’re brushing off their feelings. They’re not ready to hear solutions yet—they just want to be heard. When we rush to fix, we accidentally skip over the important step of letting them sit with and name their feelings.
Instead of immediately correcting or solving, try pausing and reflecting their emotions back to them. You could say, “That sounds really lonely. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.” This shows your child that their feelings are valid, and that you’re standing with them in the tough moment.
Once they feel heard and calmer, then you can gently guide them toward problem-solving if they’re ready. Emotion coaching is about building that bridge first—listening before leading. Want to sidestep this kind of emotional blind spot? My coaching program will guide you through it.
Mistake: Dismissing Small Feelings
It’s easy to brush off what feels minor to us as adults. Maybe your child is crying because their block tower fell. Or they’re furious because bedtime came “too soon.” You might find yourself saying, “It’s not that big of a deal” or “Come on, you’ll be fine.”
But here’s the problem: small moments matter. Every time we dismiss a small feeling, we teach kids that some emotions aren’t worth paying attention to. Over time, they might stop sharing—or worse, start feeling ashamed for getting upset.
This is something I’ve seen over and over in my coaching work, and it’s why I dedicated a whole section in my book to this exact mistake. I even include practical emotion coaching scripts you can use in those small-but-important moments, because knowing what to say can feel tricky.
Instead of brushing it off, try pausing and validating. You could simply say, “I see how upset you are about this. It’s okay to feel that way.” Sometimes, naming the feeling is all it takes to help them feel seen and start calming down.
Mistake: Over-Explaining Instead of Empathizing
This one’s sneaky because it comes from a place of love. Imagine your child is angry because you’re leaving the park. You launch into explaining: “We’ve been here two hours. We have to get home. Dinner’s waiting.” But instead of calming down, they get louder.
Here’s why: when emotions are high, explanations don’t land. Their brain isn’t in listening mode; it’s flooded with feelings. Talking too much in that moment can feel overwhelming or even make them feel unheard.
A much more effective approach is to pause the explanation and lean into empathy first. A simple “I know leaving feels really hard right now” connects with their emotional state. Then, once they’ve settled, you can revisit the explanation.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—my book shows exactly how to handle it. I share sample phrases you can use to shift from lecture mode to empathy mode, without feeling like you’re giving up your boundaries. The key is remembering: empathy opens the door. Explanation can wait until the door is open.
Mistake: Avoiding Their Own Emotions in Front of Kids
A lot of parents feel like they need to stay strong, calm, and in control all the time. Maybe you’ve caught yourself saying “I’m fine” when you’re really upset, or holding back tears because you didn’t want to “burden” your child. It comes from love—you want to protect them.
But here’s the catch: kids learn emotional skills by watching us. If we always hide our emotions, they miss out on seeing how to handle feelings in a healthy way. Instead, emotions start to feel mysterious or even scary.
That’s why, in Dropped by a Maze, I emphasize the power of showing emotions with balance. You don’t need to break down in front of your child, but letting them see you express feelings calmly and constructively teaches them it’s safe to feel. I even include examples of what that sounds like in everyday life.
For instance, instead of bottling it up, you might say: “I’m feeling a little frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This models both honesty and self-regulation—powerful tools for them to copy.
Mistake: Expecting Perfection (Theirs or Their Child’s)
Have you ever felt like you should “get it right” every time? Or maybe you’ve hoped your child would quickly learn how to manage big feelings without meltdowns. It’s so common for caring parents to fall into the trap of perfection—without even realizing it.
But emotion coaching isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. When we expect ourselves or our kids to master emotions overnight, we unintentionally create pressure, shame, or fear of messing up. And ironically, that makes emotional growth harder.
There’s a smarter way to deal with this, and I explain it fully in my book. A simple mantra you can try: “We’re both learning. It’s okay to mess up and try again.” This normalizes mistakes—and turns them into opportunities instead of failures.
How to Tell if You’re Falling Into These Mistakes
Sometimes the signs are subtle. You may not realize you’re slipping into these habits because they often come from a place of love, habit, or even exhaustion. Here are a few gentle indicators:
You feel a wave of frustration or panic every time your child has an emotional outburst.
Your child rarely talks about their feelings unless prompted—or avoids emotional topics altogether.
Emotional moments often escalate into arguments, power struggles, or shutdowns.
These are red flags, but not signs of failure. They’re invitations to pause, reflect, and adjust.
Take a moment to check in:
Do any of these feel familiar?
If so, you’re not alone. These patterns are incredibly common—even among thoughtful, intentional parents. The good news is, small shifts in how you respond can lead to powerful changes in how your child experiences connection and safety.
What to Do Next
Don’t try to fix everything at once. Emotion coaching is like learning a new language—it takes time, repetition, and lots of grace.
Start small. Choose just one mistake from this list that you want to gently shift. Maybe you want to work on listening more before offering solutions, or practicing empathy instead of lecturing.
Get someone on board. If you’re co-parenting, share what you’re learning. Talk openly about the challenges and invite them into the process. You don’t need to be on the exact same page to make progress—just moving in the same direction helps.
Try this today:
Write down one validating phrase you can practice using this week. Something simple like:
“That sounds really hard.”
“It makes sense you feel that way.”
“I hear you.”
Keep it on a sticky note, your phone, or wherever you’ll see it in the heat of the moment. Also, there are practical tips in my book to help you even further. Remember, it’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up with empathy, again and again.
Conclusion
Parenting isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about building trust over time. And emotion coaching isn’t a skill you master overnight. It’s a practice, and like any practice, it comes with its share of missteps.
But here’s what matters: every time you slow down, choose empathy, and stay present, you’re strengthening your child’s emotional world. That effort adds up. You don’t have to get it right every time—just more often than not.
Made a mistake today? Try again tomorrow.
Had a rough moment? Repair is always possible.
One small step at a time? That’s enough.
So you know, to make all these easier, Dropped by a Maze is your companion through this journey. Inside, you’ll find real-life examples, powerful emotion coaching scripts, and reflections from parents just like you. Let’s raise emotionally strong kids—together.
FAQS
Is emotion coaching the same as gentle parenting?
Not exactly. While they overlap, emotion coaching focuses specifically on helping kids understand, label, and manage their emotions through empathy and guidance. Gentle parenting is a broader approach that includes discipline styles, communication, and overall relationship dynamics.
What if I’ve already made these mistakes—did I ruin things?
Absolutely not. Emotion coaching is a journey, not a one-time fix. Kids are incredibly resilient, and every moment of repair or empathy strengthens trust. It’s never too late to start or try again.
Do I need to follow emotion coaching scripts word-for-word?
No. Scripts can be a great starting point, but the goal is to sound like you. It’s better to use them as guides and adapt the wording to fit your natural voice and your child’s needs.
Won’t validating every feeling make my child overly sensitive or spoiled?
Validating emotions doesn’t mean agreeing with behavior or giving in. It simply tells kids their feelings are real and okay. Setting boundaries and validating emotions can go hand-in-hand.
Where can I learn more emotion coaching strategies?
I cover more tools, examples, and real-life stories in my book—including a free cheat sheet of emotion coaching scripts you can use right away.
