5 Emotion Coaching Mistakes Parents Make

Table of content

Intro

• Jumping to Solve Instead of Listening

• Dismissing Small Feelings

• Over-Explaining Instead of Empathizing

• Avoiding Their Own Emotions in Front of Kids

• Expecting Perfection

How to Tell if You’re Falling Into These Mistakes

What to Do Next

FAQS

5 Emotion Coaching Mistakes Parents Make

Parenting is one of the toughest and most rewarding jobs in the world. Even the most thoughtful, loving parents can find themselves struggling when it comes to handling their child’s big emotions. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I doing this right?” you’re not alone.

That’s where emotion coaching comes in. Emotion coaching is a way of parenting that helps children understand, express, and manage their feelings in a healthy way. It’s not about ignoring emotions or trying to “fix” them quickly—it’s about teaching kids that their feelings are okay and guiding them through tough moments with empathy and support.

But here’s the thing: even with the best intentions, it’s easy to fall into certain traps. Sometimes, without realizing it, we say or do things that shut down emotions instead of helping our kids work through them. And that’s okay—because emotion coaching is a skill we can all learn and improve.

In this blogpost, we’ll explore five common mistakes that even smart, caring parents make when trying to emotionally coach their kids. More importantly, I’ll show you simple ways to turn these habits around so you can build deeper connections and trust.

Mistake: Jumping to Solve Instead of Listening

Let’s start with one of the most common habits: jumping straight into problem-solving. Imagine your child comes home from school and says, “Nobody likes me.” It’s painful to hear, right? Naturally, you want to make them feel better right away, so you respond with something like, “That’s not true. You have lots of friends.”

But here’s the problem. Even though you’re trying to comfort them, your child might feel like you’re brushing off their feelings. They’re not ready to hear solutions yet—they just want to be heard. When we rush to fix, we accidentally skip over the important step of letting them sit with and name their feelings.

Instead of immediately correcting or solving, try pausing and reflecting their emotions back to them. You could say, “That sounds really lonely. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.” This shows your child that their feelings are valid, and that you’re standing with them in the tough moment.

Once they feel heard and calmer, then you can gently guide them toward problem-solving if they’re ready. Emotion coaching is about building that bridge first—listening before leading. Want to sidestep this kind of emotional blind spot? My coaching program will guide you through it. 

Mistake: Dismissing Small Feelings

It’s easy to brush off what feels minor to us as adults. Maybe your child is crying because their block tower fell. Or they’re furious because bedtime came “too soon.” You might find yourself saying, “It’s not that big of a deal” or “Come on, you’ll be fine.”

But here’s the problem: small moments matter. Every time we dismiss a small feeling, we teach kids that some emotions aren’t worth paying attention to. Over time, they might stop sharing—or worse, start feeling ashamed for getting upset.

This is something I’ve seen over and over in my coaching work, and it’s why I dedicated a whole section in my book to this exact mistake. I even include practical emotion coaching scripts you can use in those small-but-important moments, because knowing what to say can feel tricky.

Instead of brushing it off, try pausing and validating. You could simply say, “I see how upset you are about this. It’s okay to feel that way.” Sometimes, naming the feeling is all it takes to help them feel seen and start calming down.

Mistake: Over-Explaining Instead of Empathizing

This one’s sneaky because it comes from a place of love. Imagine your child is angry because you’re leaving the park. You launch into explaining: “We’ve been here two hours. We have to get home. Dinner’s waiting.” But instead of calming down, they get louder.

Here’s why: when emotions are high, explanations don’t land. Their brain isn’t in listening mode; it’s flooded with feelings. Talking too much in that moment can feel overwhelming or even make them feel unheard.

A much more effective approach is to pause the explanation and lean into empathy first. A simple “I know leaving feels really hard right now” connects with their emotional state. Then, once they’ve settled, you can revisit the explanation.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—my book shows exactly how to handle it. I share sample phrases you can use to shift from lecture mode to empathy mode, without feeling like you’re giving up your boundaries. The key is remembering: empathy opens the door. Explanation can wait until the door is open.

Mistake: Avoiding Their Own Emotions in Front of Kids

A lot of parents feel like they need to stay strong, calm, and in control all the time. Maybe you’ve caught yourself saying “I’m fine” when you’re really upset, or holding back tears because you didn’t want to “burden” your child. It comes from love—you want to protect them.

But here’s the catch: kids learn emotional skills by watching us. If we always hide our emotions, they miss out on seeing how to handle feelings in a healthy way. Instead, emotions start to feel mysterious or even scary.

That’s why, in Dropped by a Maze, I emphasize the power of showing emotions with balance. You don’t need to break down in front of your child, but letting them see you express feelings calmly and constructively teaches them it’s safe to feel. I even include examples of what that sounds like in everyday life.

For instance, instead of bottling it up, you might say: “I’m feeling a little frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” This models both honesty and self-regulation—powerful tools for them to copy.

Mistake: Expecting Perfection (Theirs or Their Child’s)

Have you ever felt like you should “get it right” every time? Or maybe you’ve hoped your child would quickly learn how to manage big feelings without meltdowns. It’s so common for caring parents to fall into the trap of perfection—without even realizing it.

But emotion coaching isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. When we expect ourselves or our kids to master emotions overnight, we unintentionally create pressure, shame, or fear of messing up. And ironically, that makes emotional growth harder.

There’s a smarter way to deal with this, and I explain it fully in my book. A simple mantra you can try: “We’re both learning. It’s okay to mess up and try again.” This normalizes mistakes—and turns them into opportunities instead of failures.

How to Tell if You’re Falling Into These Mistakes

Sometimes the signs are subtle. You may not realize you’re slipping into these habits because they often come from a place of love, habit, or even exhaustion. Here are a few gentle indicators:

• You feel a wave of frustration or panic every time your child has an emotional outburst.

• Your child rarely talks about their feelings unless prompted—or avoids emotional topics altogether.

• Emotional moments often escalate into arguments, power struggles, or shutdowns.

These are red flags, but not signs of failure. They’re invitations to pause, reflect, and adjust.

Take a moment to check in:

Do any of these feel familiar?

If so, you’re not alone. These patterns are incredibly common—even among thoughtful, intentional parents. The good news is, small shifts in how you respond can lead to powerful changes in how your child experiences connection and safety.

What to Do Next

Don’t try to fix everything at once. Emotion coaching is like learning a new language—it takes time, repetition, and lots of grace.

Start small. Choose just one mistake from this list that you want to gently shift. Maybe you want to work on listening more before offering solutions, or practicing empathy instead of lecturing.

Get someone on board. If you’re co-parenting, share what you’re learning. Talk openly about the challenges and invite them into the process. You don’t need to be on the exact same page to make progress—just moving in the same direction helps.

Try this today:

Write down one validating phrase you can practice using this week. Something simple like:

• “That sounds really hard.”

• “It makes sense you feel that way.”

• “I hear you.”

Keep it on a sticky note, your phone, or wherever you’ll see it in the heat of the moment. Also, there are practical tips in my book to help you even further. Remember, it’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up with empathy, again and again.

Conclusion

Parenting isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about building trust over time. And emotion coaching isn’t a skill you master overnight. It’s a practice, and like any practice, it comes with its share of missteps.

But here’s what matters: every time you slow down, choose empathy, and stay present, you’re strengthening your child’s emotional world. That effort adds up. You don’t have to get it right every time—just more often than not.

• Made a mistake today? Try again tomorrow.

• Had a rough moment? Repair is always possible.

• One small step at a time? That’s enough.

So you know, to make all these easier, Dropped by a Maze is your companion through this journey. Inside, you’ll find real-life examples, powerful emotion coaching scripts, and reflections from parents just like you. Let’s raise emotionally strong kids—together.

FAQS

Is emotion coaching the same as gentle parenting?

Not exactly. While they overlap, emotion coaching focuses specifically on helping kids understand, label, and manage their emotions through empathy and guidance. Gentle parenting is a broader approach that includes discipline styles, communication, and overall relationship dynamics.

What if I’ve already made these mistakes—did I ruin things?

Absolutely not. Emotion coaching is a journey, not a one-time fix. Kids are incredibly resilient, and every moment of repair or empathy strengthens trust. It’s never too late to start or try again.

Do I need to follow emotion coaching scripts word-for-word?

No. Scripts can be a great starting point, but the goal is to sound like you. It’s better to use them as guides and adapt the wording to fit your natural voice and your child’s needs.

Won’t validating every feeling make my child overly sensitive or spoiled?

Validating emotions doesn’t mean agreeing with behavior or giving in. It simply tells kids their feelings are real and okay. Setting boundaries and validating emotions can go hand-in-hand.

Where can I learn more emotion coaching strategies?

I cover more tools, examples, and real-life stories in my book—including a free cheat sheet of emotion coaching scripts you can use right away.

Best Emotion Coach: Parents or Teachers

Table of Content

Intro

The Case for Parents: Coaching Starts at Home

The Case for Teachers: Coaching in Real-Time, Real-World Moments

Where They Overlap — and Why Both Matter

So… Who Plays the Bigger Role?

Conclusion

Best Emotion Coach: Parents or Teachers

Every adult who interacts with kids wants the same thing — to see them grow into emotionally strong, self-aware, and confident human beings. But when it comes to guiding children through big feelings and tough moments, a question often bubbles up: Who holds more influence — parents or teachers? This isn’t about assigning blame or claiming superiority. It’s about understanding the unique emotional coaching power each role carries — and how they complement each other more than we may think.

Emotion coaching, at its core, is the process of helping children recognize what they’re feeling, learn how to name it, and find healthy ways to manage it. Whether it’s a meltdown over a broken toy or the quiet anxiety before a school presentation, these moments are rich opportunities to teach emotional literacy. But who’s better positioned to seize them?

In this blogpost, we’ll explore both sides. You’ll see the advantages, the blind spots, and the real-life impact of emotional coaching from both home and classroom perspectives. And if you're wondering how to actually apply this in your daily life, whether you're a parent juggling dinner and bedtime or a teacher managing a full classroom my book Dropped by a Maze includes role-specific guides that walk you through exactly how to show up powerfully in your own context.

Let’s get started.

The Case for Parents: Coaching Starts at Home

Ever notice how children seem to mirror the moods of their parents?

That’s no accident. From the moment they’re born, kids are watching how we respond to life — and learning from it.

Parents are a child’s first emotional teacher. The home is where they first see what anger looks like, how sadness is handled, and what comfort sounds like after a tough day. And because home is where emotions show up most honestly — in the messy moments, the bedtime routines, the after-school meltdowns — it's also the place where emotional coaching can happen most naturally.

Simple moments, like sitting together at dinner or calming a tantrum in the hallway, are powerful coaching opportunities. You don’t need a perfect script — you just need to be present, and willing to guide.

But here’s the honest part: not all parents were taught how to regulate their own emotions, which makes this work even harder. That’s why the parent-specific section in my book includes coaching scripts and real-life examples that fit right into your day — no extra time or training required.

Because emotion coaching isn’t about being perfect. It’s about trying, showing up, and learning alongside your child.

The Case for Teachers

What better place to learn emotional skills than in the middle of real life?

That’s exactly what happens in classrooms every day. Teachers guide children through frustration, group work, exclusion, and even friendship conflicts — all in real time. The school setting mirrors the outside world: kids learn how to share, wait their turn, speak up, and stay calm when things get tough. It’s not just about lessons on the board. It’s about handling emotions in the moment — when someone cuts in line or when a game gets too competitive.

Many teachers also bring tools from their training in classroom management and Social-Emotional Learning (SEL). These help them set clear boundaries while modeling empathy and patience.

Of course, teachers are stretched thin. With large classes and tight schedules, it’s hard to give every child the one-on-one emotional support they may need. That’s why the teacher’s section in my book includes fast, actionable tools that fit into busy school days without adding pressure. Because even a 30-second response from a trusted adult can teach a child how to pause, name their feelings, and respond with care.

Where They Overlap — and Why Both Matter

It’s not about choosing who’s more important — it’s about how parents and teachers can work together.

Emotion coaching works best when kids get the same messages at home and at school. When a child hears “It’s okay to feel angry, let’s talk about it” from both their parent and their teacher, that message sticks. It becomes safe. It becomes normal.

What makes this even more powerful is that parents and teachers often see different sides of a child. A parent might notice anxiety at bedtime. A teacher might see frustration during group work. When those insights are shared, kids get better support — and that’s what they really need.

This is why my book includes simple communication templates to help parents and teachers check in with each other and share emotional insights without pressure or overwhelm.

Because when the home and school environments feel emotionally safe, kids don’t just survive, they thrive.

So… Who Plays the Bigger Role?

It’s tempting to pick a side, but the truth is, both parents and teachers play powerful roles — just in different ways. Parents leave a long-term emotional imprint. From birth, kids look to their parents for how to name and manage feelings. Even quiet moments at home can shape how a child learns to feel safe and seen.

Teachers, on the other hand, guide emotional skills in action. In a classroom, children learn how to manage frustration, work through conflict, and speak up for themselves — all with a teacher’s support in real time.

You might be wearing one of these hats. Or maybe both. Either way, take a moment to reflect:

What’s one small way you’ve helped a child understand their emotions recently?

What’s one area you’d like to grow in?

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or both, my book offers role-specific tools to help you understand your emotional coaching strengths and work through the areas that feel tougher.

Conclusion: Emotion Coaching Is a Shared Journey

Emotional coaching isn’t about saying the perfect thing. It’s about showing up with kindness, listening with patience, and creating space for big feelings.

You don’t have to do everything at once. You can start with one deep breath, one curious question, or one calm response — that’s where growth begins.

If this topic spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you:

Are you a parent or teacher? What’s one emotion coaching moment that stood out for you this week?

And if you want help navigating this journey, my book has step-by-step tools tailored to your role — so you’re never guessing your way through emotional coaching.

Ready to take the next step? Order your copy today.

FAQ

Who has the bigger impact on a child’s emotional development?

It’s not about who’s bigger, it’s about how their influence shows up. Parents often shape deep emotional beliefs. Teachers help kids apply those skills in everyday life.

Is one role more important than the other?

They’re complementary, not competitive. Emotion coaching is strongest when parents and teachers work together, reinforcing the same language and emotional safety.

What age group does emotional coaching work best for?

It works at any age. Toddlers, tweens, or teens, though the approach shifts as kids grow. My book breaks down what works best for different ages and settings.

Where can I get more support or tools?

My book includes role-specific guides for parents and teachers, plus ready-to-use activities, scripts, and coaching prompts. You can order your copy today or explore coaching options.

What’s the biggest mistake people make in emotional coaching?

Trying to “fix” or rush emotions instead of making space for them. Kids don’t need perfection, they need presence. The book shows you how to slow down and connect first.

5 Effective Emotion Coaching Techniques Most Parents Overlook

Table of content

Intro 

• Mirror Their Mood (Without Mocking It)

• Name the Feeling Before the Fix

• Create a “Calm Corner” (Not a Time-Out Spot)

• Share Your Own Feelings (In Simple Terms)

• Use "Emotion Check-ins" During Calm Times

Takeaway

5 Effective Emotion Coaching Techniques Most Parents Overlook

Most parents have heard about emotional coaching. It's all about helping kids understand and manage their feelings, rather than just correcting their behavior. But while the basics are widely shared, there are emotional coaching techniques that many parents still overlook—techniques that can make a big difference in everyday moments.

If you're tired of yelling, guessing what your child needs, or feeling stuck when emotions run high, you're not alone. These lesser-known methods can build deeper trust, improve communication, and actually make parenting feel a bit easier.

Let’s check them out together

Mirror Their Mood (Without Mocking It)

mirror their mood

One of the most overlooked emotion coaching techniques is mood mirroring. This doesn’t mean copying your child’s meltdown or turning it into a joke. It means matching the emotional tone in a calm and controlled way to show you're present with them.

For example, if your child is crying because their toy broke, instead of saying “It’s just a toy, stop crying,” you can sit next to them and say, “That was your favorite toy. I get why you're upset.” You’re not making the situation bigger, but you’re also not brushing it off. This builds trust and helps your child feel understood—which is the foundation of emotional regulation.

This is one of the key ideas covered in Chapter 3 of my book, where I share more tools for creating calmer moments with kids.

Name the Feeling Before the Fix

Most parents jump straight into problem-solving. While that can seem helpful, it often skips a key emotion coaching technique—naming the feeling first.

 Let’s say your child storms in after school and slams their bag down. Instead of jumping in with “What happened?” or “Calm down,” pause and say something like, “You seem frustrated. Want to talk about it?” When you name the emotion, it helps your child feel seen and teaches them to recognize feelings in themselves. After that moment of connection, then you can work together on what to do next.

Create a “Calm Corner” (Not a Time-Out Spot)

Cozy “Calm Corner” designed for children

One of the most effective emotion coaching techniques that often gets missed is creating a safe space—not for punishment, but for calming down. A calm corner is a cozy spot where your child can go when they feel overwhelmed. It’s not a place to send them away when they’ve done something wrong, but a tool to help them reset emotionally.

You can include things like soft pillows, a stress ball, books about feelings, or even headphones with calming music. When your child starts to get upset, you can gently say, “Want to take a minute in your calm corner?” Over time, they’ll start using it on their own, which builds emotional independence and regulation skills without shame or pressure. This and more of these unconventional strategies is what I shared in my book. You can check out Chapter 3 in my book.

Share Your Own Feelings (In Simple Terms)

A lot of parents think they have to stay completely calm and emotionless all the time. But one powerful emotion coaching technique is showing your own feelings—in a healthy, age-appropriate way. Kids learn how to deal with emotions by watching how we handle ours.

Instead of pretending you’re fine when you’re clearly frustrated, you could say, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.” This models emotional honesty. It tells your child that emotions are normal and that there are ways to handle them without yelling or shutting down. When kids see you name and manage your feelings, they feel more comfortable doing the same.

Use "Emotion Check-ins" During Calm Times

Most of a child’s emotional growth doesn’t happen during tantrums or outbursts — it happens in the quiet, everyday moments.

When your child is calm, their brain is more open to learning. This is when emotion check-ins can do the most good.

A simple question like:

• “What was the best and hardest part of your day?”

• “Is there anything you didn’t get to say today?”

These check-ins help your child learn how to name what they’re feeling. Over time, that builds emotion vocabulary and confidence.

You don’t need to schedule them like lessons. Instead, slip them into your normal routines:

• At the dinner table

• During bedtime tuck-ins

• While riding in the car or walking together

Start small. If they give short answers or say “I don’t know,” that’s okay. What matters is that you’re asking, listening, and making feelings feel safe to talk about.

The goal isn’t to “fix” their feelings, it’s to make room for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

At what age should I start emotion coaching my child?

You can start emotion coaching as early as toddlerhood around age 2 or 3 when your child begins expressing emotions more clearly. However, it’s never too late to start, even with teens.

Do I need special training to use emotion coaching at home?

No formal training is required to start. However, reading trusted resources or joining a coaching program, can make it easier and more effective.

What if my child doesn’t respond well to emotion coaching?

That’s normal at first. It takes time for kids to adjust, especially if they’re not used to being guided through emotions. Stay consistent, stay calm, and be patient. Over time, they will learn to trust the process.

Can emotion coaching be used with children who have special needs or are neurodivergent?

Yes. Emotion coaching is especially helpful for children with autism, ADHD, or sensory differences. It creates a safe space for expression and helps build emotional skills at their own pace.

How is emotion coaching different from just “being gentle”?

Gentle parenting focuses on kindness and connection, but emotion coaching adds specific steps, like labeling feelings and problem-solving that help children build emotional intelligence.

Takeaway

You don’t need a psychology degree to help your child grow emotionally. You just need small tools, used consistently, with love.

That’s what emotional coaching is about, creating small moments of connection that add up to big change over time.

And you don’t have to figure it out alone. If you want more unconventional strategies, check out Chapter 3 in my book. It’s full of tools that have worked for real families, not just textbook examples.