The 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching: A Simple Framework for Busy Parents
The 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching: A Simple Framework for Busy Parents
What Is the 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching?
Why Odd Numbers?
1 Goal: Build Emotional Connection
3 Steps: Recognize, Reflect, Respond
5 Minutes a Day: That’s All It Takes
Common Challenges (and Quick Fixes)
Take It Further: The 30-Day Challenge
Final Thoughts
The 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching: A Simple Framework for Busy Parents
I get it—you're a parent juggling work, chores, school runs, and the emotional ups and downs of raising a child. You want to teach your kids how to handle big feelings, but let’s be honest: some days, even getting through bedtime without a meltdown feels like a win.
That’s why I created the 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching—a simple, repeatable system designed specifically for busy parents who want to raise emotionally intelligent kids but don’t have hours to spare.
With just 1 clear goal, 3 simple steps, and 5 minutes a day, you can build stronger emotional bonds and help your child understand, express, and regulate their feelings.
In this post, I’ll walk you through the full framework—and if you want to take it a step further, I’ve included a special invite to join the 30-day challenge from my book, which helps you put the system into practice with ease.
Let’s get started.
What Is the 1-3-5 Rule of Emotion Coaching?
Let’s start with a simple truth: emotion coaching sounds great—but when you’re overwhelmed, it can feel like one more thing you’ll never get to. That’s why the 1-3-5 Rule exists. It’s not another parenting “to-do”—it’s a time-saving tool that helps you do what you already want to do: connect with your child and support their emotional development.
So, what exactly is the 1-3-5 Rule?
At its core, it’s a framework based on three odd numbers:
1 goal
3 steps
5 minutes a day
Why Odd Numbers?
Odd numbers stick in your brain. They’re easy to remember, create structure without being rigid, and feel manageable—especially when life is chaotic. More importantly, this rhythm encourages intentional consistency without overwhelming you.
Let’s break down what each part of the framework means:
1 Goal: Build Emotional Connection
This is your north star. Every time you apply the 1-3-5 rule, your aim isn’t to fix a problem, lecture, or control your child’s emotions—it’s simply to build connection. When children feel emotionally connected to you, they’re more likely to open up, regulate themselves, and trust your guidance.
Think of this like a daily deposit into your child’s “emotional bank account.” The more deposits you make, the more resilient and emotionally secure your child becomes—especially in tough moments.
3 Steps: Recognize, Reflect, Respond
These are your go-to actions. They help you move through emotional moments (big or small) with presence, patience, and purpose. Here’s what they look like:
Step 1: Recognize the Emotion
This step is all about observation. Tune into your child’s body language, tone of voice, or behavior and ask yourself:
“What might they be feeling right now?”
You’re not labeling or reacting yet—just noticing.
Example: Your child slams their backpack on the floor after school. Instead of jumping in with, “What’s your problem?” you pause and think, “They seem overwhelmed. Let me slow this down.”
Step 2: Reflect It Back
Once you’ve noticed the emotion, say what you see or sense. This helps your child feel seen and gives them the language to understand their own feelings.
Example:
“It seems like you’re feeling frustrated about something. Want to talk about it?”
This isn’t about getting it perfectly right—it’s about creating a safe space for emotions to be acknowledged.
Step 3: Respond with Support
Now that the emotion is named, your job is to support, not solve. This could mean helping your child find a way to cope, offering comfort, or just sitting with them.
Example:
“Do you want a quiet minute before we talk? Or maybe we can go outside and get some air.”
The goal is not to remove the feeling but to help your child move through it with your guidance.
5 Minutes a Day: That’s All It Takes
You don’t need a long talk or a dramatic moment to use this rule. Just 5 minutes of intentional emotion coaching a day—before bed, after school, or during a quick walk—can make a lasting difference.
This could look like:
A check-in on the drive home: “What was the best and hardest part of your day?”
A bedtime reflection: “How are you feeling tonight?”
A moment of validation when they seem off: “You look kind of down—want to talk or just sit together for a minute?”
And if you miss a day? That’s okay. The beauty of the 1-3-5 Rule is that it’s simple enough to return to anytime. No guilt. No pressure. Just consistency, over time.
Coming up next: I’ll walk you through how each step works in real-life parenting moments—and how to overcome common roadblocks. But first, remember this:
One goal. Three steps. Five minutes a day. That’s the heartbeat of emotional connection.
Common Challenges (and Quick Fixes)
Even with a simple system like the 1-3-5 Rule, real life doesn’t always follow the script. Your child might resist, you might feel emotionally drained, or the moment might not seem “right.” That’s okay. These challenges are common—and they don’t mean the framework isn’t working.
Let’s look at a few real-world obstacles and how to gently navigate them.
“I Don’t Have Time”
The Challenge: You're rushing from one task to the next, and emotion coaching feels like a luxury you can’t afford right now.
Quick Fix:
Integrate it into what you're already doing.
Use transition times: while brushing teeth, driving, waiting in line.
Pick a consistent 5-minute window (e.g., right after school or before bed).
Think quality, not quantity—one thoughtful check-in is more powerful than a full conversation on autopilot.
Reminder:
This isn’t about adding pressure. It’s about using small windows to make big connections.
“My Child Doesn’t Open Up”
The Challenge: You ask how they feel, and they shrug. Or say “fine.” Or roll their eyes.
Quick Fix:
Don’t start with questions. Start with observations or curiosity.
“You’ve been really quiet since you got home. Tough day?”
“I noticed you slammed the door—want to sit with me for a bit?”
Use playful moments or shared activities (drawing, Lego, cooking) to open the door to deeper conversations.
Kids open up when they feel safe, not when they feel pressured. Your consistent presence builds that safety.
“I’m Too Emotionally Tired to Coach”
The Challenge: Some days, you are the one running on empty. Emotion coaching feels like one more thing to get right.
Quick Fix:
Keep it simple. Some days, all you need is:
A warm glance
A validating sentence: “I hear you. That was a lot.”
Physical comfort: a hug, sitting nearby, rubbing their back.
You’re allowed to show your emotions too. Say:
“I’m feeling tired today, but I’m here for you. Let’s take it slow together.”
Being honest models emotional awareness and shows your child that emotional regulation is a lifelong skill—not a perfect performance.
“I Messed Up and Reacted Harshly”
The Challenge: You snapped. You yelled. You ignored the steps. Now you feel guilty.
Quick Fix: Repair the moment. That’s also emotion coaching.
“I’m sorry I raised my voice. I was overwhelmed and didn’t handle that well.”
“Can we rewind and try again? I want to understand how you’re feeling.”
Apologizing and reconnecting teaches your child that it’s okay to make mistakes—and powerful to make amends.
“It Feels Awkward or Forced”
The Challenge: You’re new to this, and emotional language doesn’t come naturally. It feels scripted or clunky.
Quick Fix:
Start with just one part. For example:
Focus only on recognizing the emotion for a few days.
Or try reflecting it back without needing a full conversation.
Use phrases like:
“Looks like you’re feeling…”
“That must’ve been hard…”
“Want to tell me more?”
The more you practice, the more natural it feels—and the more your child begins to mirror the language back to you.
Just so you know, you’re going to miss days. Say the wrong thing. Get tired. Feel like you’re not doing it right.
That’s not failure. That’s parenting.
The 1-3-5 Rule isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. Returning, daily, in small but meaningful ways.
Take It Further: The 30-Day Challenge
If you’ve made it this far, one thing is clear: you care deeply about your child’s emotional wellbeing—and you want tools that actually fit into your real life.
That’s exactly why I why I wrote my book: “Dropped by a Maze”
Because once you’ve seen how powerful 5 intentional minutes can be… you start wondering what 30 days of practice could do.
What’s the 30-Day Challenge?
Inside the book, you’ll find a simple but transformative roadmap designed for busy, tired, wonderful parents like you. The challenge is built around three goals:
Consistency – Show up for 5 minutes each day using the 1-3-5 framework.
Connection – Strengthen your emotional bond with your child through tiny, daily moments.
Confidence – Grow your emotional coaching skills without overwhelm or guilt.
Each day includes:
A short, encouraging prompt
A practical example or script you can use immediately
Space for reflection (yes, even 60 seconds counts.)
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to show up.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been waiting for a parenting tool that actually fits into your real life—here it is.
The 1-3-5 Rule isn’t magic. It’s just simple enough to actually stick. One goal. Three steps. Five minutes a day. That’s all it takes to start showing up differently for your child—without guilt, pressure, or needing to be perfect.
And if you’re thinking, “I want to keep this going, but I could use a little structure…”
That’s exactly why I wrote Dropped by a Maze. It includes a full 30-day challenge, with easy prompts, short examples, and real encouragement to help you stay consistent (even when life is messy).
And if you want more hands-on support, I offer private coaching sessions where we work through your specific parenting challenges together—judgment-free and step by step.
Because emotion coaching doesn’t have to be complicated.
It just has to be daily.
And it starts with showing up—for five minutes.
