What It’s Like to Be a Woman on the Spectrum

Table of Content

Intro

The Masking Game

Misdiagnosis, Late Diagnosis, and Why It Matters

Sensory Overload in a Woman’s World

Identity, Culture, and Womanhood on the Spectrum

Sensory Overload in a Woman’s World

Closing Thoughts

What It’s Like to Be a Woman on the Spectrum

Most people look at me and think I have it all together. I’m calm, I listen well, I work as a therapist, and I can hold a good conversation. On the outside, I look like I’m fine.

But what people don’t see is the constant effort it takes to “keep it together.” They don’t see how loud the world feels to me, how long it takes to recover after social events, or how hard I try to figure out what people really mean when they say something.

For a long time, I didn’t even know I was autistic. I just thought I was “too sensitive” or “too quiet” or “too weird.” And I heard that from others, too. The truth is, autism in women doesn’t always look like what people expect. That’s why so many of us go undiagnosed or misunderstood for years.

In this blogpost, I want to talk about what it’s really like to be a woman on the spectrum. I’ll share some personal stories and things I wish more people understood. 

Let’s talk about it, honestly.

The Masking Game

Masking is a word used to describe how many autistic women try to hide their true feelings and behaviors to fit in. It means acting in a way that seems normal to others, even if it doesn’t feel natural inside. Many women on the spectrum learn to do this because they want to avoid standing out or being misunderstood. It can feel like putting on a mask to get through the day.

In Dropped in a Maze, I share how this kind of hiding became a part of my life. It wasn’t something I planned—it just happened over time as I tried to figure out how to belong. Masking can help people blend in, but it also takes a lot of energy. It can leave you feeling tired and unsure of who you really are underneath it all. Learning about autism helped me understand why I felt this way. It gave me the courage to start being more myself, even if that means showing my true colors bit by bit. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Being myself is something I’m no longer afraid of.

Misdiagnosis, Late Diagnosis, and Why It Matters

Do you know that studies show the ratio of autistic males to females ranges from 2:1 to as high as 16:1? The most recent estimate is around 3:1. Even back in 1943, Leo Kanner's early research found four times as many boys as girls. This isn’t because fewer women are autistic — it’s because so many go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed for years.

For many women, autism goes unnoticed for years. It often shows up in quiet ways, and because of that, people don’t always see it. Teachers, doctors, and even family members may miss the signs. Instead of getting support, girls and women are often told they are just shy, too quiet, or “overly sensitive.”

That’s what happened to me.

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. For a long time, I knew something felt different, but I didn’t have the words for it. I just kept going, trying to figure things out on my own.

In my book Dropped in a Maze, I talk about the moment I finally got my diagnosis. It was a mix of emotions. I felt relief because it explained so much. But I also felt sad thinking about all the years I spent not knowing.

Getting a diagnosis later in life doesn’t erase the struggles, but it helps you understand them. It helps you understand yourself. And for me, that changed everything.

Sensory Overload in a Woman’s World

Being a woman already comes with a lot of expectations. Be polite. Dress nicely. Keep up with conversations. Make eye contact. Smile. Now add autism to that.

For many of us on the spectrum, those expectations feel extra heavy. Things like fashion, socialising, and even relationships can be hard to manage not because we don’t care, but because they can be overstimulating. Sounds, smells, textures, too much talking, it builds up fast.

What feels “normal” to others can feel overwhelming to us. That’s how it often feels — like the world was designed with a script we didn’t get. The more I’ve learned about my autism, the more I’ve been able to give myself permission to do things my way. I don’t have to perform. I just have to be honest with myself

Identity, Culture, and Womanhood on the Spectrum

Being a woman on the spectrum is already complex. But when you add culture, gender roles, and race, it becomes even harder to navigate. In some cultures, speaking up, showing emotions, or being different isn’t always accepted. You’re expected to act a certain way, especially as a woman. You're expected to keep things together, not question too much, and always think of others first.

This can make it even harder to recognise autism or feel safe enough to talk about it. You end up hiding parts of yourself just to meet expectations that were never made for you in the first place.

In Dropped in a Maze, I share how my cultural background shaped the way I saw myself. I didn’t just feel different. I felt like I had to work even harder to seem “normal” in a world that didn’t leave space for someone like me.

It took time to realise that I wasn’t broken — I just needed to understand myself better.

The Strength in Self-Discovery

Getting my diagnosis didn’t magically fix everything, but it gave me a starting point. For the first time, I understood why I struggled with certain things. I stopped blaming myself for being “too much” or “not enough.”

That understanding brought peace.

Writing Dropped in a Maze helped me look at my life through a new lens. I saw patterns, I connected the dots, and I started accepting the parts of me I used to hide. This book is personal, but it’s not just for me. It’s for anyone who has ever felt out of place. It’s for people who’ve gone through life feeling different but never really knowing why.

If that sounds like you, I hope my story helps you feel seen.

Click here to order Dropped in a Maze

Closing Thoughts

If you’re reading this and some of it feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many women live with questions about themselves for years. It’s okay to feel unsure or confused. It’s okay to wonder if you might be on the spectrum. The truth is, it’s never too late to learn more about who you are. Understanding yourself can bring relief and hope, no matter your age or where you are in life.

Autism is not a flaw. It’s a different way of seeing and experiencing the world. And that difference can be a strength. So, if you’ve read this far, thank you for listening. I hope my story helps you feel less alone and more understood. I’d love to hear your story too. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or send me an email.

Remember, if you want to learn more, you can buy Dropped in a Maze where I talk about life on the spectrum. You’re not alone on this journey. We’re in it together.