Table of Contents

Intro

What Is Emotion Coaching?

Who Are the Gottmans?

What Is the Gottman Method?

The 5 Steps of the Gottman Emotion Coaching Method

Sonia’s Unique Approach

Common Myths About Emotion Coaching

FAQs About Emotion Coaching and the Gottman Method

Takeaway

What is Emotion Coaching? The Gottman Method Explained

It’s no news that big emotions can be tricky, especially for kids. That’s why more parents are turning to emotional coaching Gottman techniques to better understand and respond to their child’s emotional needs. The Gottman Method offers a practical, research-backed approach to turn emotional moments into opportunities for connection, learning, and growth.

In this blog post, we’ll explore what emotion coaching looks like through the lens of the Gottman Method, why it matters, and how parents and caregivers can use it to build emotionally resilient children.

What Is Emotion Coaching?

Emotional coaching is a concept where parents or caregivers help children understand, label, and manage their feelings. This method was developed by Dr. John Gottman, a leading psychologist known for his research on relationships and emotional development. Emotional coaching Gottman style teaches that every emotional moment. Whether a tantrum or a moment of quiet distress is an opportunity for connection and growth.

In practice, emotion coaching Gottman method outline five essential principles of Emotion Coaching: noticing your child’s emotions, viewing emotions as opportunities to connect and teach, helping your child name their feelings, showing empathy and understanding, and setting boundaries while working together to solve problems.

Emotional coaching Gottman style shows that by using this approach, children become more emotionally aware and resilient.

Who Are the Gottmans?

If you’ve looked up anything about parenting or relationships, you’ve probably seen the names Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman. They’re a couple who’ve spent over 40 years studying how people connect and communicate, and their work has helped millions of families.

At first, their research was all about couples. But over time, they saw something bigger — when adults respond to emotions with kindness and curiosity, instead of shutting them down, it builds stronger bonds. That same idea is now used in parenting, schools, and even workplaces. This is what emotional coaching is all about.

The 5 Steps of the Gottman Emotion Coaching Method

The Gottman Method teaches us that big emotions aren't something to avoid—they’re a chance to connect with our kids. Here’s how emotional coaching Gottman works:

Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions

This means tuning in, even when your child isn’t saying anything out loud. Maybe they suddenly go quiet or throw a toy across the room. These little signs can tell you that your child is feeling something big. Try to stay present and notice what’s going on before the meltdown happens.

Step 2: Use emotional moments as chances to connect

When your child is upset, it’s easy to feel frustrated or want to fix it fast. But this is actually a great time to show them you care. Instead of brushing it off, pause and be with them. Let them know you’re there. That moment of connection builds trust.

Step 3: Listen with empathy and let them know their feelings make sense

Sometimes, all your child wants is to be heard. You don’t need to give advice right away. Just listen and say something like, “That must’ve been really hard,” or “I understand why you feel that way.” When kids feel seen and understood, their emotions often start to settle.

Step 4: Help your child name what they’re feeling

Many kids don’t have the words to explain what’s going on inside. You can help by gently guessing and offering words like “angry,” “sad,” “nervous,” or “disappointed.” Naming feelings helps kids understand them better—and once they understand what they’re feeling, they’re more likely to calm down.

Step 5: Set limits while helping them solve the problem

It’s okay for your child to feel upset, but that doesn’t mean every reaction is okay. You can say, “It’s fine to feel angry, but hitting isn’t okay.” Then guide them toward a better choice, like taking deep breaths or talking it out. This teaches them healthy ways to cope the next time emotions run high.

Sonia’s Unique Approach

Sonia uses the emotional coaching Gottman method to help people understand emotions and respond to them in a healthy way. In her work with parents, teachers, and caregivers, she focuses on teaching simple steps that make emotional moments easier to manage.

She starts by helping people notice how emotions show up—both in themselves and in children. Then, she teaches how to stay calm and listen first, instead of reacting too quickly. Sonia believes that when adults understand what a child is feeling, it becomes easier to guide them with care and confidence.

Through her coaching programs, Sonia shares ways to talk about feelings, set clear limits without shouting, and support children during hard moments. Her approach is gentle, realistic, and easy to use—even on busy or stressful days.

If you want to try these methods yourself, you can get started with her book. And for those who want extra support, her coaching program offers step-by-step guidance to help you build stronger, more peaceful relationships—whether at home or in the classroom.

Common Myths About Emotional Coaching

You’ve probably heard a few things about emotional coaching that made you pause. Maybe someone said it’s too soft, or that it spoils kids. Let’s clear that up.

“It’s too soft.”

This one comes up a lot. But emotional coaching isn’t about letting kids run the show. It’s about showing up for them, even when emotions are high. Sonia talks about how it is not giving up your role as a parent—you’re just meeting them where they are and guiding them through it.

“It spoils the child.”

Honestly, validating feelings doesn’t spoil anyone. Kids still need boundaries and structure, but they also need to feel safe expressing what’s going on inside. When they feel understood, they’re more likely to listen and cooperate.

“Kids will manipulate you.”

It's easy to think this when emotions feel dramatic. But most of the time, kids aren’t trying to manipulate. They’re trying to figure things out the only way they know how. When you help them name what they’re feeling, they start learning how to handle those emotions better.

If you want more help figuring this out, Sonia shares real-life stories and guides in her book.

FAQs About Emotion Coaching and the Gottman Method

Do I have to follow all 5 steps perfectly for this to work?

Not at all. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. Some days will go better than others, and that’s completely okay. What matters most is being present and trying to understand your child’s emotions.

What age is emotion coaching for?

Emotional coaching works at any age. You can use it with toddlers, teens, and even in adult relationships.

Where can I learn more or get support?

Sonia’s book and coaching program are great next steps if you want real life examples, and support. She breaks it all down in a way that’s easy to follow and super practical for everyday parenting.

Takeaway on Emotion Coaching

The Gottman Coaching Method isn’t about fixing your child. It’s about building a relationship that grows stronger with every emotional moment you navigate together.

And the best part? You don’t have to figure it out alone. So relax, you’re not a “bad parent” for not knowing all this before. You’re a better parent now for wanting to learn. We hope this helped you to be better at emotion coaching.