5 Reasons Why Your Gut Knows Before Your Brain Does (And How to Finally Trust It)
Have you ever had a bad feeling about something but talked yourself out of it? Ignored the warning signs because you thought you were being paranoid? Agreed to plans that made your stomach turn because you didn't want to seem rude or difficult?
Your gut was screaming at you to say no. But your brain—trained by years of people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and desperate need for acceptance—overruled it.
For autistic people and anyone who's spent years being rejected or told they're "too sensitive," learning to trust your gut instinct feels nearly impossible. We've been conditioned to doubt ourselves, to assume our discomfort is our problem to fix, to override our internal warning system in favor of what others expect from us.
But here's what I learned the hard way: your gut knows things your brain hasn't processed yet. It picks up on patterns, energy shifts, and danger signals that your conscious mind hasn't caught up to. And when you consistently ignore it to please others or avoid conflict, you end up in situations that harm you.
Table of Contents
Reason #1: Your Gut Recognizes Patterns Your Brain Hasn't Named Yet
Reason #2: Your Body Responds to Energy Before Your Mind Analyzes It
Reason #3: Low Self-Esteem Convinces You to Ignore Warning Signals
Reason #4: People-Pleasing Overrides Self-Protection
Reason #5: Your Gut Protects You From What You Can't Yet Articulate
How to Start Trusting Your Gut Instinct
Key Takeaways for Building Self-Trust
Reason #1: Your Gut Recognizes Patterns Your Brain Hasn't Named Yet
The Week of Bad Feelings
When Janet asked to come over and stay the night, something inside me immediately screamed "no." It wasn't logical. I couldn't point to a specific reason. But my gut was screaming: "Cancel your plans now!"
All week leading up to that Friday, the bad feeling intensified. It wasn't anxiety about hosting or nervousness about having company. It was a visceral warning that something was wrong.
Why Your Gut Knows First
Your gut instinct operates on pattern recognition that happens below conscious awareness. It processes:
Past experiences with this person Every snippy comment, every backhanded compliment, every time they made you feel small—your gut remembers even when your brain tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Behavioral patterns Your gut notices consistency. If someone consistently makes you feel bad, your gut expects more of the same—even if your brain hopes "this time will be different."
Energy shifts Changes in how someone interacts with you register in your body before your brain consciously processes them. Your gut noticed Janet wasn't in a good mood before she even articulated it.
Danger signals Your nervous system is wired for survival. When it detects threat patterns—even emotional or social threats—it sends warning signals through physical sensations.
What Happens When You Ignore It
I knew my gut was right. But my low self-esteem and self-doubt overruled the warning. I said "yes" when everything inside me was screaming "no."
The result? Exactly what my gut predicted:
Janet showed up in a bad mood
She made snippy, demanding comments
She picked a fight over breakfast
She stormed out like a child having a tantrum
My gut knew. I just didn't trust it yet.
Reason #2: Your Body Responds to Energy Before Your Mind Analyzes It
The Physical Warning System
When you have a "bad feeling" about something, it's not just emotional—it's physical. Your body is responding to information your conscious mind hasn't processed yet.
Common physical gut reactions include:
Stomach tightening or nausea
Chest heaviness or tightness
Jaw clenching or teeth grinding
Shoulders tensing up
Heart rate increasing
Feeling suddenly drained or exhausted
An urge to leave or create distance
Why This Happens
Your nervous system picks up on:
Micro-expressions and body language Even if you struggle with reading faces (common for autistic people), your subconscious registers micro-expressions, tone shifts, and body language that signal hostility, insincerity, or danger.
Tone and vocal patterns The way someone says something carries more information than the words themselves. Your gut hears the edge in someone's voice before your brain consciously recognizes they're being passive-aggressive.
Environmental stress When someone brings negative energy into your space, your body responds to the shift in atmosphere. You feel it physically before you can name it.
Incongruence When someone's words don't match their energy, your gut knows something is off. Janet might have asked to come over in a friendly way, but the energy behind it wasn't friendly—and my body knew.
The Autistic Experience
Many autistic people are told they're "too sensitive" or "reading too much into things." But often, we're picking up real information through sensory and energetic channels that neurotypical people dismiss.
Learning to honor these physical responses instead of dismissing them is crucial for self-protection.
In my book, I detail the complete weekend with Janet and how my body was trying to protect me at every step. Learning to recognize and honor these physical warning signals transformed my ability to protect myself from toxic people and situations.
Reason #3: Low Self-Esteem Convinces You to Ignore Warning Signals
The Internal Battle
When my gut screamed "cancel your plans," my low self-esteem fought back with powerful counter-arguments:
"You're being paranoid"
"Give her a chance"
"You're too sensitive"
"You're lucky anyone wants to spend time with you"
"Don't be difficult"
"What if you're wrong?"
Low self-esteem convinced me that my gut feeling was the problem, not Janet's behavior.
How Low Self-Esteem Sabotages Intuition
It makes you second-guess yourself When you don't trust yourself in general, you don't trust your instincts about specific situations.
It prioritizes others' comfort over your safety Low self-esteem teaches you that other people's feelings matter more than your own boundaries and wellbeing.
It reframes warning signals as character flaws Instead of "this person makes me uncomfortable," low self-esteem says "I'm uncomfortable because something is wrong with me."
It creates fear of being seen as difficult You'd rather endure a bad situation than risk being perceived as rude, picky, or high-maintenance.
It convinces you that you deserve poor treatment Years of rejection and bullying create a belief that toxic behavior is what you should expect and accept.
The Cost of Self-Doubt
By doubting my gut and saying yes to Janet's visit, I:
Spent a week with escalating anxiety
Endured a miserable Friday night
Got into a fight over breakfast
Had to deal with her tantrum and dramatic exit
All of this could have been avoided if I'd trusted that bad feeling and said "I'm not available that night."
Breaking the Pattern
Learning to trust your gut requires rebuilding self-esteem so that your inner voice becomes stronger than others' expectations.
This means practicing:
Valuing your comfort as much as others' comfort
Recognizing that "no" is a complete sentence
Understanding that protecting yourself isn't being difficult
Believing your feelings are valid data, not character flaws
Reason #4: People-Pleasing Overrides Self-Protection
The "I Didn't Know How to Say No" Problem
When Janet asked to stay over, I immediately knew I didn't want her to. But I said "Sure" anyway.
Why? Because I didn't know how to say no.
Not because I literally didn't know the word exists. But because years of conditioning had taught me that:
Saying no makes you selfish
Declining invitations means you're unfriendly
Setting boundaries means you're difficult
Protecting yourself means you're rude
The People-Pleasing Trap
People-pleasing is particularly common among:
Autistic people We're often taught from childhood that our natural responses are "wrong" and we need to accommodate neurotypical expectations, even at our own expense.
People with trauma histories Bullying, rejection, and social isolation create hypervigilance about others' reactions. We learn to prioritize keeping others happy to avoid further rejection.
Women and people socialized as women Societal conditioning teaches that being agreeable, accommodating, and pleasant is more important than honoring your own needs and boundaries.
Anyone with low self-worth When you don't value yourself, you treat others' preferences as more important than your own wellbeing.
The Physical Toll
People-pleasing doesn't just create bad social situations—it creates physical and emotional stress:
Chronic anxiety from ignoring your needs
Resentment that builds toward others
Exhaustion from constantly performing
Difficulty identifying what you actually want
Erosion of self-trust over time
What Changed Everything
When Janet stormed out over the breakfast misunderstanding, I didn't feel sad—I felt relieved. And then I felt proud.
I had finally stood up for myself. I had spoken my mind. I had stopped accommodating unreasonable behavior.
Instead of feeling guilty or chasing after her to apologize, I celebrated. I treated myself to a nice meal. I honored the fact that I had finally prioritized my own wellbeing over someone else's mood.
The complete story of ending this toxic friendship and what I learned about setting boundaries is detailed in my book. These lessons about people-pleasing versus self-protection changed every relationship I had going forward.
Reason #5: Your Gut Protects You From What You Can't Yet Articulate
The Thing About Gut Feelings
Gut feelings are frustrating because they often can't be explained logically. You just know something is off, but you can't always point to concrete evidence.
This makes them easy to dismiss, especially for autistic people who are used to wanting clear, logical explanations for everything.
What Your Gut Knows
Your gut processes information that your conscious mind hasn't caught up to yet:
Emotional patterns Janet had been consistently dismissive, critical, and condescending. My gut knew this pattern would continue. My brain hoped it wouldn't.
Power dynamics My gut recognized that Janet saw me as someone she could use as a punching bag. My brain wanted to believe she was my friend.
Incompatibility Deep down, I knew Janet and I weren't compatible as friends. My gut was trying to protect me from continuing an unhealthy relationship.
Future consequences Some part of me knew that if I said yes to this visit, I'd regret it. My gut was trying to save me from that outcome.
The Gift of Hindsight
Looking back, every bad feeling I had was correct:
The week of increasing dread? Accurate prediction of how the visit would go.
The sense that I should cancel? Exactly right.
The physical discomfort? Warning that this person brought toxic energy.
The relief when she left? Confirmation that my gut had been protecting me all along.
Why We Ignore It Anyway
Even when gut feelings prove accurate again and again, we still ignore them because:
We're taught to prioritize logic over feeling "That's not a good enough reason" dismisses intuition as invalid.
We fear being wrong What if you say no and miss out on something good? (Spoiler: Your gut is rarely wrong about danger.)
We've been gaslit When people tell you you're "too sensitive" or "overthinking," you learn to distrust your perceptions.
We want to be accommodating Especially for autistic people who've been told we're "difficult," we overcompensate by being overly flexible with others.
Learning to Listen
The turning point came when I finally honored my gut:
When Janet stormed out, I didn't chase her. I didn't call to apologize. I didn't try to fix it.
I celebrated getting rid of someone who treated me poorly.
That moment taught me: My gut was protecting me. I just needed to start listening.
How to Start Trusting Your Gut Instinct
Step 1: Notice Physical Sensations
Start paying attention to how your body responds to:
Specific people
Social invitations
Requests for your time or energy
Situations that make you uncomfortable
Common gut signals:
Stomach tightening
Chest heaviness
Sudden fatigue
Jaw clenching
Desire to leave or create distance
Don't dismiss these as "just anxiety." They're information.
Step 2: Track Patterns
Keep a journal of:
When you had a bad feeling about something
Whether you honored it or ignored it
What actually happened
Over time, you'll see that your gut is usually right. This builds trust in your instincts.
Ready to learn the complete story of how trusting my gut transformed my college experience and beyond? My book details the full journey from people-pleasing to self-protection, including specific strategies for distinguishing anxiety from intuition and building the self-trust that changes everything.
Step 3: Practice Small Nos
Start with low-stakes situations:
"I'm not available that day"
"That doesn't work for me"
"I need to think about it"
"I'm going to pass this time"
Notice that saying no doesn't create the catastrophes you fear. This builds confidence in setting boundaries.
Step 4: Challenge the Voice of Self-Doubt
When you have a gut feeling and self-doubt tries to override it, ask:
"What if my gut is right and self-doubt is wrong?"
"What's the worst that happens if I honor this feeling?"
"Am I prioritizing someone else's comfort over my safety?"
"Would I give this advice to a friend in the same situation?"
Step 5: Separate Anxiety From Intuition
This is tricky, especially for people with anxiety disorders. Here's a general guide:
Anxiety:
Spirals and catastrophizes
Creates "what if" scenarios about the future
Feels chaotic and overwhelming
Isn't connected to specific present-moment information
Intuition:
Is calm and clear (even if uncomfortable)
Focuses on present-moment data
Provides specific direction ("don't do this")
Feels grounded in your body
Both can create physical sensations, but intuition feels more like information while anxiety feels like panic.
Step 6: Honor the Gut Feeling Even Without Evidence
You don't need to justify your gut feelings with concrete evidence. "This doesn't feel right" is sufficient reason to:
Decline an invitation
Leave a situation
End a relationship
Change your mind
You're allowed to protect yourself based on instinct, not just provable facts.
Step 7: Celebrate When You're Right
Every time you honor your gut and it proves correct, acknowledge it:
"I knew that person wasn't trustworthy and I was right." "I didn't want to go and I'm glad I didn't." "My gut told me to leave and that was the right call."
This positive reinforcement strengthens the connection between gut feelings and action.
Key Takeaways for Building Self-Trust
Your Gut Deserves Respect
After years of being told we're "too sensitive" or "overthinking," autistic people and trauma survivors often dismiss our instincts as invalid.
But your gut reactions are:
Valid data about your environment
Protection mechanisms that evolved to keep you safe
Information your subconscious processed before your conscious mind caught up
They deserve to be honored, not overridden.
Liberation Comes From Self-Protection
When I finally stood up to Janet and felt relief instead of guilt, everything changed. That summer became one of the most liberating periods of my life because I:
Eliminated toxic people
Started meeting new friends
Built confidence in my judgment
Learned that protecting myself felt good, not selfish
The liberation didn't come from having more friends. It came from trusting myself enough to say no to people who treated me poorly.
Low Self-Esteem Is Your Gut's Biggest Enemy
The biggest obstacle to trusting your gut isn't lack of intuition—it's low self-esteem convincing you that:
Your feelings don't matter
Others' comfort is more important than yours
You should be grateful for any social connection
Protecting yourself makes you difficult
Building self-esteem doesn't just make you feel better—it allows you to finally hear the wisdom your gut has been offering all along.
People-Pleasing Puts You in Danger
Every time you override your gut to please someone else, you:
Teach yourself that your needs don't matter
Put yourself in situations that harm you
Reinforce the pattern of self-abandonment
Weaken your ability to trust future gut feelings
Breaking the people-pleasing pattern is essential for self-protection.
"No" Is Protection, Not Rejection
Saying no when your gut screams at you isn't:
Being mean
Being difficult
Being antisocial
Missing out on opportunities
It's:
Honoring your needs
Protecting your energy
Respecting your boundaries
Practicing self-care
The right people will respect your boundaries. The wrong people will prove your gut right by getting angry when you set them.
Ready to learn the complete story of how trusting my gut transformed my college experience and beyond? My book details the full journey from people-pleasing to self-protection, including specific strategies for distinguishing anxiety from intuition and building the self-trust that changes everything.
Moving Forward
That summer when I finally trusted my gut and ended the friendship with Janet, everything shifted. I made new friends—Savannah from my Middle Eastern History class, Tia the international student from Brazil—who treated me with genuine kindness.
My confidence built. I started working out at the gym, feeling good in my clothes, and looking forward to what was coming next. I felt hopeful and happy.
None of that would have been possible if I'd continued ignoring my gut and tolerating toxic people.
Your gut is always trying to protect you. The question is: will you finally start listening?
The next time you get that sinking feeling, that tightness in your stomach, that voice saying "something is off"—trust it. Even if you can't explain it logically. Even if it means disappointing someone. Even if it makes you seem difficult.
Your gut knows. It's been trying to tell you. It's time to start believing it.
For the complete journey from self-doubt to self-trust, including detailed accounts of learning to set boundaries, eliminate toxic relationships, and build genuine confidence—get my book today.
