A Parent's Guide to Supporting Neurodiverse Children
Parenting is challenging. Parenting a neurodiverse child brings unique complexities that many parents feel unprepared to handle. From sensory meltdowns in public places to navigating school systems that don't always understand your child's needs, the journey can feel overwhelming.
But what if we shifted our perspective from fixing deficits to celebrating strengths? What if sensory sensitivities weren't just challenges to overcome, but signals helping us understand how our children experience the world?
Sarah Hartley, author of the Purposefully Me book series and creator of the ALIGN parenting method, has walked this path with both of her sons who have ADHD and sensory processing disorder. In a recent episode of On the Spectrum Empowerment Stories, she shared practical strategies that transformed her family's approach to neurodiversity.
Whether you're a parent of a neurodiverse child, an educator, or someone navigating your own late diagnosis, these insights will help you move from survival mode to thriving together.
Table of Contents
Early Warning Signs: What to Watch For
The Pandemic's Impact on Sensory-Seeking Children
Building a Sensory Gym at Home
The ALIGN Method: Staying Calm When It Matters Most
Shifting to a Strengths-Based Approach
Getting Support Into Schools
Key Takeaways for Parents and Educators
Early Warning Signs: What to Watch For
Walking on Tippy Toes
One of the first signs Sarah noticed in her oldest son was toe walking around age two. Her sister-in-law, whose own children had sensory sensitivities, pointed this out as something to watch for.
Toe walking is a common indicator of sensory processing differences, particularly in children who are vestibular avoiders—meaning they feel like they're constantly in motion and struggle with balance-related activities.
Other Early Indicators of Sensory Processing Disorder
Tactile sensitivities:
Refusing to touch certain textures like play-doh or slime
Discomfort with food textures or messy hands
Sensitivity to clothing tags or seams
Auditory sensitivities:
Covering ears at sudden or loud noises
Being startled by sounds like door slams or fire alarms
Tolerating only self-created noise versus external sounds
Temperature regulation:
Extreme resistance to getting in the bath or shower
Once in, refusing to get out due to temperature changes
Difficulty with transitions between warm and cold environments
Seeking behaviors:
Craving deep pressure through strong hugs
Deliberately crashing into things or falling
Constantly moving or fidgeting
The Mixed Profile Challenge
Sarah's oldest son presented as both a vestibular avoider and a proprioceptive seeker—avoiding swinging and bike riding while simultaneously seeking deep pressure and crashing activities.
This mixed profile is common in sensory processing disorder. Children aren't simply "sensory seeking" or "sensory avoiding." They often display both patterns across different sensory systems, making intervention more complex.
Understanding your child's specific sensory profile is the first step toward providing appropriate support.
The Pandemic's Impact on Sensory-Seeking Children
When Early Intervention Stopped
For many families with neurodiverse children, the pandemic created devastating setbacks. Sarah's oldest son was just starting to make progress with occupational therapy when everything shut down in March 2020.
The anxiety from losing structure and routine became so severe that her then-three-year-old stopped sleeping. His four-month-old brother was waking throughout the night, and the entire household was in crisis.
Creative Problem-Solving During Lockdown
Sarah made a difficult decision: she kept her newborn home but sent her older son to daycare for structure and routine. She also enlisted family members to help build an entire sensory gym in their garage.
The gym included:
A climbing wall with chalkboard paint and magnetic backing
A large crash pad
A jungle gym
A ball pit for proprioceptive input
This dedicated sensory space became crucial for managing her son's sensory needs when professional therapy wasn't available.
The Lasting Impact
Children who were certain ages during the pandemic experienced unique challenges. Sarah notes that while her oldest barely remembers wearing masks to preschool graduation, the developmental impact of missing crucial therapy and social experiences during formative years cannot be understated.
For parents still dealing with pandemic-related setbacks in their children's development, know that you're not alone. Many children are still catching up from that lost time.
Want to hear Sarah's complete story about navigating the pandemic with two neurodiverse children? Listen to the full episode of On the Spectrum Empowerment Stories for more insights on creative problem-solving during impossible circumstances.
Building a Sensory Gym at Home
Beyond Equipment: Organization of Sensory Input
Sarah discovered something crucial: it's not just about providing sensory input, but about organizing that sensory input in meaningful ways.
Instead of just letting her son climb the wall or play in the ball pit, she created activities that combined sensory input with cognitive tasks:
Climbing wall activities:
Place magnetic letters at the top in a jumbled order
Have your child climb to retrieve letters one at a time
Bring letters down to spell a specific word
Ball pit activities:
Ask for specific colored balls one at a time
Request a certain number of one color
Create patterns or sequences
This approach provides sensory input while simultaneously teaching organization, sequencing, and following multi-step directions.
The Long-Term Investment
Most of the sensory gym equipment has been retired as Sarah's children aged, but the crash pad remains. Both boys, now ages 9 and 6, still use it regularly.
Her youngest has also discovered gymnastics, which provides structured sensory input similar to what the home gym offered. He's constantly doing flips on furniture and cartwheels on any patch of grass—reminiscent of Sarah's own childhood behavior that she now recognizes as her undiagnosed ADHD.
Sound Therapy at Home
Sarah's occupational therapist provided a classical music soundtrack with intentionally scratchy sounds as part of sound therapy. While her son wouldn't wear headphones, they played it every time they were in the car.
This is similar to auditory integration therapy, which helps desensitize the auditory system to certain frequencies. Consistency matters more than duration—daily exposure in the car was more effective than occasional sessions with headphones.
The ALIGN Method: Staying Calm When It Matters Most
When Traditional Strategies Aren't Enough
Sarah developed the ALIGN method out of necessity. She had tried various calming strategies—morning walks, meditation, journaling—but struggled most in the moment when her children were dysregulated.
As a parent with ADHD herself, she found that noises that never bothered her before (like coming home from school) became overwhelming triggers. She needed a quick, actionable framework for regulating herself so her children could mirror her calm.
The ALIGN Framework Explained
A - Awareness Become aware of your own physical sensations. Notice your heart racing, sweating, tight fists, or shallow breathing. Metacognition—thinking about your thinking—is the first step.
L - Listen and Label Listen to what your child is saying and label the emotions. "You're feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling overwhelmed too." Naming emotions reduces their intensity.
I - Identify Triggers Become a detective. What's causing the dysregulation? Is it sensory overload? Hunger? Fatigue? Transitions? Identifying the trigger helps you address the root cause.
G - Grounding Use a quick grounding technique to reset the nervous system:
Take a sip of water
Find three things of a specific color
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (five things you see, four you can touch, etc.)
Play I Spy
N - Nurture Show empathy and give grace. "I totally understand why you're feeling this way. I get it." You cannot hold empathy and anger simultaneously—empathy dissolves anger.
Real-World Application: The Baseball Game
At a Savannah Bananas game, Sarah's son became overwhelmed waiting in a long line in the heat with crowds, smells, and sounds everywhere. He started complaining: "This is boring. This is awful. I thought you said this would be fun."
Sarah's immediate instinct was frustration—they'd spent money on tickets, and here he was being "ungrateful."
Instead, she used ALIGN:
Awareness: She noticed her own heart racing, sweating, tight fists.
Listen and Label: "It's really hot outside. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I think you're feeling overwhelmed too."
Identify: "There are so many smells, sounds, and people. This is sensory overload."
Grounding: "Let's both take a sip of water and find three things that are purple."
Nurture: "I totally understand why you're feeling this way. I'm also feeling really overwhelmed. The line's moving—do you want to go in and visit the gift shop, or would you rather go home?"
Within 60 seconds, her son decided he wanted to go in and get a ball signed by players. Crisis averted, connection maintained.
This is just one example of the ALIGN method in action. For more detailed strategies and Sarah's complete parenting workbook, listen to the full podcast episode where she walks through additional scenarios and provides free holiday-specific resources.
Shifting to a Strengths-Based Approach
The Deficit Model vs. Strengths Model
Traditional approaches to neurodiversity focus on what's "wrong" and what needs to be "fixed." Children are defined by their deficits: attention problems, social difficulties, sensory issues.
Sarah's Purposefully Me book series takes a different approach. Each of the 14 books features a fourth-grade character with different neurodivergent traits—autism, ADHD, dyslexia, Down syndrome, sensory processing disorder—but focuses on their strengths, interests, and unique perspectives.
Why Fourth Grade?
Sarah chose fourth-graders as her characters intentionally. Third grade is when hormones start changing, conflict increases, and many ADHD diagnoses happen as academic demands increase. By fourth grade, these challenges are in full swing.
Fourth-graders are old enough for third-graders to look up to but young enough for fifth-graders to still relate to. This age range captures most of elementary school.
Celebrities Who Prove the Point
When Sarah's basketball-obsessed son learned that Michael Jordan has ADHD, it transformed his self-perception. Suddenly, ADHD wasn't just a limitation—it was something he shared with his hero.
Other successful people with ADHD include:
Simone Biles (gymnastics)
Adam Levine (musician)
Justin Timberlake (entertainer)
Will Smith (actor)
When children see successful people "just like them," they develop confidence in who they are rather than shame about being different.
The Creativity Connection
Recent research presented at psychological conferences highlights how ADHD supports creativity. The same brain that struggles with sustained attention excels at:
Seeing connections others miss
Thinking outside conventional frameworks
Hyperfocusing on passion projects
Generating novel ideas rapidly
This applies across neurodiversity. Autistic individuals often have exceptional pattern recognition, attention to detail, and deep expertise in areas of interest. Sensory sensitivities can translate into heightened awareness and appreciation for art, music, or nature.
Getting Support Into Schools
The Ultimate Goal
Sarah's mission extends beyond individual families. She's working to get the Purposefully Me books into school systems through foundation partnerships.
Her proposal targets foundations focused on:
Dyslexia support
Children's literacy programs
Educational equity
Special education resources
The idea is for foundations to gift box sets of these books to schools, making them available to all students—not just those identified as neurodiverse.
Why Every Child Benefits
Even neurotypical children benefit from understanding neurodiversity. These books help them:
Recognize why a classmate might behave differently
Develop empathy and compassion
See characteristics as superpowers rather than disabilities
Understand that everyone's dealing with something
When schools embrace comprehensive neurodiversity education, bullying decreases and inclusion increases. Children who understand why a peer stims, needs movement breaks, or processes information differently are less likely to mock and more likely to support.
The Slow Rollout
Sarah is releasing one book per month to ensure high-quality illustrations that evoke appropriate emotions. Books currently available or coming soon:
Purposefully Brave (available now)
Purposefully Calm - sensory processing disorder (available this week)
Purposefully Enough - ADHD (printing now)
Additional titles will address autism, dyslexia, Down syndrome, bullying, social anxiety, school drills, and more aspects of the neurodivergent experience.
How Parents Can Advocate
While Sarah works on getting her books into school systems, parents can advocate by:
Requesting neurodiversity education for all students, not just special education classes
Donating inclusive books to classroom libraries
Asking for professional development on strengths-based approaches
Partnering with teachers to provide resources
Joining or forming parent advocacy groups
Change happens when parents collectively push for better understanding and support.
Key Takeaways for Parents and Educators
Early Identification Matters
The earlier you identify sensory sensitivities and neurodivergent traits, the sooner you can provide appropriate support. Don't dismiss early warning signs—trust your instincts and seek evaluation if something feels off.
You're Parenting Yourself Too
If you're a neurodiverse parent raising neurodiverse children, you're on a parallel journey. Many strategies you implement for your children will benefit you as well. Sarah describes it as "parenting myself as much as I'm parenting them."
Regulate Yourself First
Children mirror the emotional state of their caregivers. When you remain calm, they can access calm. When you're dysregulated, they become dysregulated. The ALIGN method helps you manage your own nervous system so you can be the regulating presence your child needs.
Mixed Profiles Are Normal
Don't expect your child to fit neatly into one category. Sensory avoiders can also be sensory seekers in different domains. ADHD often co-occurs with sensory processing disorder, autism, dyslexia, or giftedness. Embrace the complexity rather than trying to simplify.
Strengths Over Deficits
Yes, your child has challenges. But they also have incredible strengths. The ADHD brain that struggles with boring tasks hyperfocuses intensely on passions. The autistic mind that finds social situations confusing sees patterns and details others miss. The sensory-sensitive child has heightened awareness that can translate into artistic gifts.
Focus on developing strengths rather than only remediating weaknesses.
Late Diagnosis Brings Relief
Sarah wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until age 25, and it didn't fully click until she had children and started understanding her own neurodiversity in her 30s and 40s. Late diagnosis isn't a failure—it's an opportunity to finally understand yourself and access appropriate support.
Connection Over Perfection
You won't always stay calm. You'll sometimes yell and fly off the handle. What matters is repair—explaining what happened, showing empathy, and modeling that everyone struggles sometimes. This builds trust that carries into the teenage years.
Sarah shares many more practical strategies, personal stories, and resources in the full podcast episode. Listen now to hear her discuss everything from sound therapy protocols to navigating school IEPs to managing decision fatigue as a neurodiverse parent.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Parenting neurodiverse children requires creativity, flexibility, and endless patience. But it also offers unique gifts: deeper empathy, appreciation for differences, creative problem-solving skills, and the joy of celebrating progress that others might take for granted.
Sarah's journey from building sensory gyms during a pandemic to developing comprehensive parenting frameworks and children's books demonstrates what's possible when we shift from deficit-focused to strengths-based approaches.
Whether you're just beginning to notice sensory sensitivities in your toddler or you're years into supporting a neurodiverse child, remember:
You're not alone in this journey
Your child's differences are not deficiencies
Regulating yourself is the foundation for regulating them
Strengths-based approaches work better than deficit-focused interventions
Small shifts in perspective create massive changes in outcomes
The ALIGN method provides a practical framework for those overwhelming moments when everything feels like too much. Sarah's books give children language to understand themselves and others. And shifting from "what's wrong" to "what's strong" transforms how your child sees themselves.
Ready to dive deeper into strengths-based parenting strategies and learn more about Sarah's journey with her neurodiverse sons?
Listen to the complete On the Spectrum Empowerment Stories podcast episode featuring Sarah Hartley.
