Do Autistic People Have Empathy
Introduction Understanding Empathy
The Two Types of Empathy
Why the Myth Exists
What Research Really Says
Real-Life Examples of Empathy in Autism
Why You Should Read Dropped in a Maze: My Life on the Spectrum
How You Can Foster Empathy Across the Spectrum
Conclusion
Do Autistic People Have Empathy? The Truth Behind the Myth
One of the most common and hurtful myths about autism is the idea that autistic people do not have empathy. This belief has been around for decades and has caused many autistic people to be misunderstood, excluded, and judged unfairly. When someone thinks you have no empathy, they may believe you cannot care about others, cannot form deep relationships, or cannot understand feelings. This is far from the truth.
The truth is that autistic people do have empathy. They may show it in different ways. They may experience it differently. But the idea that empathy is missing is wrong. Understanding this topic is important for parents, teachers, friends, and anyone who interacts with autistic individuals. By learning the truth, you can treat autistic people with respect and build real connections.
Understanding Empathy
When people talk about empathy, they often imagine a warm hug, kind words, or an emotional expression that’s easy to see. But empathy is much more complex than that. To understand whether autistic people have empathy, we need to start by understanding what empathy actually is, not what movies or social rules tell us it should look like.
The Two Types of Empathy
Empathy is not a single skill. In psychology, it’s usually described in two main forms:
1. Cognitive Empathy
Cognitive empathy means understanding what another person is thinking or feeling. It’s about perspective-taking, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing the world through their eyes.
For example:
If a friend frowns, you might guess they are upset.
If your co-worker stays quiet during a meeting, you might sense they are nervous.
Cognitive empathy is more about recognition than emotion.
Many autistic people can have differences in cognitive empathy because reading facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language might not come as naturally. It’s not that they don’t care; they might simply need more information before they can identify exactly what the other person is feeling.
2. Affective Empathy
Affective empathy is feeling the emotion someone else feels. It’s an emotional connection that often happens instantly. If your best friend is sad, you might feel sad too. If they are overjoyed, you share that joy with them.
Research has shown that many autistic people have very strong affective empathy, sometimes even stronger than non-autistic people. They may deeply feel someone’s happiness, pain, or distress. The challenge comes when that feeling is so intense that it becomes overwhelming. In such cases, an autistic person might shut down or step away not because they don’t care, but because the emotion is too much to handle at once.
How Autistic People Experience Empathy Differently
The key point here is difference, not absence.
Autistic individuals may:
Need more direct communication to understand emotions.
Show care through actions instead of emotional words.
Feel emotions so strongly that they struggle to express them right away.
This difference in experience can lead to misunderstandings, which brings us to something researchers call the double empathy problem.
The “Double Empathy Problem”
The double empathy problem is a theory first introduced by researcher Damian Milton. It challenges the old idea that autistic people alone have a “social deficit.” Instead, it says that difficulties in mutual understanding happen on both sides between autistic and non-autistic people.
What It Means
Communication is a two-way street.
Non-autistic people may not understand autistic communication styles.
Autistic people may not understand non-autistic communication styles.
This mismatch means that both sides can misread each other’s intentions and feelings.
For example, a non-autistic person might expect constant eye contact to show interest. But an autistic person may find eye contact uncomfortable and prefer to listen without it. The non-autistic person might think, “They’re ignoring me,” while the autistic person is actually paying close attention.
Why This Matters
The double empathy problem shows us that we can’t just measure empathy by one group’s social standards. Instead, we need to recognize that empathy can look different across people and that’s okay.
By understanding this, we can start replacing the harmful myth of “autistic people have no empathy” with the truth: empathy exists on both sides, but differences in communication and perception can hide it.
Why the Myth Exists
If autistic people can and do have empathy, why is the myth still so strong? There are several reasons, all tied to how empathy is expressed, communicated, and portrayed.
Differences in Expression
One major reason the myth exists is because empathy is often judged by visible signs. In many cultures, empathy is expected to be shown in certain ways:
Direct eye contact
A warm tone of voice
Certain facial expressions
Verbal affirmations like “I’m so sorry” or “I understand”
Physical comfort like hugs or pats on the back
But here’s the truth: these are cultural rules, not universal truths.
An autistic person may:
Show care by fixing a problem rather than talking about it.
Remember small details about someone’s life and follow up on them later.
Help quietly, without big emotional displays.
To someone expecting “typical” social signals, this might seem like a lack of empathy. But it’s really just a different way of showing it.
Communication Barriers
Empathy is not only about feeling, it’s also about expressing those feelings. And sometimes, expression is the hardest part.
Autistic individuals may face challenges such as:
Literal thinking: taking words at face value, which can sometimes make emotional cues harder to pick up without clear statements.
Sensory overload: when the environment is too loud, bright, or chaotic, it can be hard to focus on emotional exchange.
Anxiety: social pressure to respond “the right way” can make it harder to react in the moment.
Media Portrayals
Popular culture has played a huge role in shaping the public’s perception of autism and unfortunately, it hasn’t always been accurate.
In many movies and TV shows, autistic characters are shown as:
Highly logical but emotionally distant
Robotic in their responses
Unaware of others’ feelings entirely
While these portrayals may be based on small aspects of real experiences, they leave out the emotional depth that many autistic people have. Over time, these stereotypes have been repeated so often that people start to believe them as facts.
The problem is that real life is far more nuanced. Every autistic person is different. Many are deeply sensitive, caring, and emotionally aware. But when society mainly sees the “emotionless genius” stereotype, it’s easy for myths to take root.
What Science Really Says About Empathy in Autism
Research over the years has shown that autistic people can have equal or even higher levels of emotional empathy than non-autistic people. Some studies have found that autistic people feel emotions so strongly that it can be overwhelming, and they may need time alone to process them.
The problem is not a lack of empathy. The problem is often a mismatch between how empathy is expressed and how it is expected to look. This is sometimes called the “double empathy problem.” It means both autistic and non-autistic people can struggle to understand each other’s ways of communicating.
Examples of Empathy in Autism
Empathy is not always about big gestures. Sometimes it is shown in quiet, unnoticed ways.
An autistic child may notice that a friend’s shoelace is untied and tie it for them without saying anything.
An autistic teenager may remember small details about a friend’s life and bring up something that matters to them months later.
An autistic adult may volunteer to help someone even if they do not express it in emotional words.
These acts show care, attention, and connection, all signs of empathy.
Why You Should Read Dropped in a Maze: My Life on the Spectrum
If you want to really understand how empathy works in autism, it helps to hear from an autistic person themselves. Sonia Chand’s book is a great place to start. She talks about her life experiences, her relationships, and the challenges she has faced because of misunderstandings like the “lack of empathy” myth.
Her book does not just talk about empathy. It addresses many common misconceptions about autism, such as:
That autistic people do not want friends
That they cannot understand emotions
That they are all the same
That autism is only about challenges and not about strengths
By reading Sonia’s story, you get an inside look at what it feels like to live with autism and how empathy is experienced from the autistic perspective. This can help you:
Avoid making wrong assumptions
Learn how to communicate better
See strengths that others may overlook
Build more genuine connections
If you are a parent, teacher, caregiver, or friend of an autistic person, reading Dropped in a Maze can help you replace myths with understanding. It is not a textbook. It is a real human story with insights you can apply in your daily life.
Get a copy of "Dropped in a Maze" on Amazon today.
How to Encourage and Recognize Empathy in Autistic People
One of the most powerful ways to break the myth that autistic people have no empathy is to actively look for it and create conditions where it can flourish.
Empathy doesn’t disappear just because it’s expressed differently. But if we only measure it by “typical” signs, we risk missing it completely.
Here’s how to see, encourage, and appreciate empathy in autistic people in ways that respect their unique communication styles and lived experiences.
Listen Without Judging
Listening is one of the simplest, yet most effective, ways to allow empathy to show. But it has to be true listening, not the kind where we’re waiting for a person to behave exactly how we expect.
Why Judgment Blocks Empathy Recognition
When we have fixed ideas about how someone should express care, like expecting immediate verbal reassurance or a hug, we can unintentionally overlook other signs of empathy.
For example:
An autistic child might not say, “I’m sorry you’re sad,” but may hand you their favorite toy to comfort you.
An autistic adult may not offer a hug but might quietly do something helpful, like making you a cup of tea or taking care of a task so you can rest.
If we judge these acts as “less caring” simply because they’re not typical, we send the wrong message, that their way of showing care isn’t enough.
How to Practice Non-Judgmental Listening
Give time for processing: Many autistic people process emotions and responses more slowly, not because they don’t care, but because they are thinking carefully about what to say or do.
Accept alternative expressions: Look for care in actions, problem-solving, or small thoughtful gestures, not just emotional words.
Avoid interrupting: Silence is not absence of empathy; sometimes it’s a moment of emotional processing.
By listening without judgment, you open the door for empathy to come through in the way that feels most natural for them.
Learn Autistic Communication Cues
Empathy is often communicated through subtle cues that are easy to miss if you’re only tuned in to “typical” social signs like tone of voice, facial expressions, or eye contact.
Common Autistic Empathy Cues
Acts of service: Doing something helpful without being asked.
Remembering details: Recalling something you said months ago and following up on it.
Offering information: Sharing knowledge or resources to help solve your problem.
Checking in over time: Consistently asking how you’re doing, even if not during the emotional moment itself.
For example, if you mentioned once that you like a certain snack, and weeks later they bring it when you’re having a rough day, that’s empathy in action. It’s thoughtful, specific, and personal.
Why Learning Their Cues Matters
When you learn to read their language of care, you realize empathy is very much present, it’s just spoken in a different dialect. By doing this, you also show respect for their communication style, which makes them more likely to share openly in the future.
Create Comfortable Environments
The environment plays a huge role in whether empathy can be expressed freely. For many autistic people, sensory input like loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces can overwhelm their ability to focus on emotional interaction.
Why Comfort Encourages Empathy
If someone is struggling with sensory overload, their brain is busy filtering stimuli, not ignoring feelings. Reducing those distractions can make emotional expression much easier.
Practical Ways to Create Comfort
Choose the right setting: Quiet, softly lit spaces can help.
Offer sensory tools: Weighted blankets, noise-canceling headphones, or fidget items can reduce stress.
Be flexible with timing: Sometimes empathy is easier to express after the sensory overwhelm has passed.
Build Mutual Understanding
Empathy is not a one-way street. Just as we want autistic people to understand our feelings, we need to put in effort to understand their perspective.
Why Mutual Understanding is Key
When both sides make an effort, it reduces the communication gap described in the double empathy problem. Misunderstandings happen less often, and genuine connection can grow.
How to Build This Understanding
Ask, don’t assume: If you’re unsure what they’re feeling, it’s okay to gently ask instead of guessing.
Share openly: Model the kind of clear, honest emotional communication you hope to receive.
Value differences: Accept that their empathy might show up in a way that’s less “emotional” but equally meaningful.
When you work on understanding each other’s ways of feeling and showing care, you strengthen the trust that makes empathy more visible.
The Role of Patience and Trust
One thing to remember is that empathy, especially in cross-neurotype relationships, often requires patience. An autistic person may need:
Time to process what happened
Space to think about the best way to respond
Reassurance that their way of expressing care is valid
If you create an environment of trust and patience, you’ll see more of their natural empathy over time.
Conclusion
The idea that autistic people do not have empathy is a myth that has caused far too much harm. The truth is that autistic people can have deep empathy, strong emotional connections, and genuine care for others. They may show it differently, but it is there.
If we want to create a more inclusive and understanding world, we need to challenge myths like this one. That starts with listening to autistic voices and learning from their experiences.
Sonia Chand’s Dropped in a Maze: My Life on the Spectrum is one of those voices. It offers personal insights that can help you understand autism beyond the stereotypes. If you truly want to see the human side of autism, read her book. It could change the way you see empathy forever.